The Tasmanian Liberals today strongly announced their strong mascot for their strong 2024 state election campaign.

The new mascot, Thug, was strongly applauded by Strongman Premier Jeremy Hardasarockliff at the launch.

“He will help us enforce our strong 2030 plan for the state as we strongly strongify Strongmania Tasmania,” said Hardasarockliff.

Thug was also strongly welcomed by Deputy-Strongman Deputy-Premier Michael Fergustrong.

“The strong Liberal majority strong government has a lot to be proud of,” noted Fergustrong, “and we want to continue stronging the strongths of our state.”

At the party’s candidate announcement event, Thug danced around gaily stomping on butterflies and distributing bundles of DO NOT HUG stickers to the Liberal candidates.

Guy Steelbarnett, who bears no resemblance to Thug, or at least no strong resemblance, said the parliamentary wing was strongly united.

“Those who didn’t strongly defect to the cross-benches, or strongly spit the dummy and resign, remain as strong as ever,” Steelbarnett explained. “In fact our defining quality is strongyness. And truthyness.”

The Liberals’ strong campaign will continue tomorrow in Smifton – last year voted Tasmania’s Best Strongest Smartest Tidiest Richest Braddonest Small Town – where Strongman Premier Rockliff will single-handedly raise the state debt by another $247 million while balancing a Sassafras sack of potatoes on his nose and fighting off Jacqui Lambie sticking a footy stadium up his bum.

Most of the money is to be strongingly spent on sundry campaign pork, future consultancies to be outsourced to maates, and megaproject propaganda.

“It’s a strong signal we’re keeping our string economy highly-strung,” stronged Strongman Premier Hardasarockliff strongfidently.

Thug, who says he is a builder not a blocker, blocked answer media questions about whether he had an abusive relationship with female members of the party and had stolen his ex-wife’s cat.

Lara Alexander v The Advocate