The things you find in the Dungeon! A generic job application advertisement, crafted by an expert, for the recruitment of replacement CEOs of existing government business enterprises in the states. Much is revealed of the secret deliberations by those who inhabit this dark area of government policy development.

A new CEO for the Xxxx GBE

Our client is a State Government looking to recruit a suitable person to work for a large monopolising entity wielding control over key infrastructure assets.

We are seeking someone who can show expertise in creating an inverse relationship between utility and reward such that they can extract fees from the public in excessive proportion to the value of services provided.

You will be passionate in perpetuating the myth of meritocracy by pretending to reward innovation, hard work, and intellect while only promoting conformists and sycophants.

The successful applicant should have an outstanding ability to credit themselves for positive outcomes they are not responsible for, while deflecting complaints to subordinate staff.

The ability to fabricate risk scenarios and excessive cost estimates to drive profit while withdrawing from social responsibilities is highly desirable.

Experience in adjusting morality according to personal and corporate financial gain is seen as an essential skill.

Egocentricity and a strong sense of entitlement while ruthlessly exploiting others without empathy is a key asset.

Demonstrated capacity to engage consultants on a supportive conclusion for an extravagant fee arrangement is required.

You will be required to list tertiary qualifications and skills, both real and imagined, as we are unlikely to do a thorough reference check (other than via our social circles) as the government believes incompetence should never be a barrier to reward or success.

Pretence at public engagement while activating subversive profit-driven decision making is a helpful skill.

Conflicts of interest if present will not be considered a problem.

Candidates who fulfil the above requirements need not apply as we will appoint you regardless through our jobs-for-mates program.

P.S.

Your salary and entitlements package will be doubled if you exhibit the decision – making skills of a chimp tossing a coin.


John Powell was born in Rushworth, Victoria; educated at Dandenong High School and Monash University; National Service during the Vietnam War; employed in oil/gas, water, and the resources sectors; proud Celt; protector of environment and Aboriginal heritages, stubborn and resolute …