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In 1983 the late, great humourist and Douglas Adams, together with the humourist and script-writer John Lloyd, CBE published a book called ‘The Meaning of Liff’ in which the names of British cities and towns were given complex and humorous meanings for which there is no single word in the English language.

Times move on and our world constantly throws up new complex and intriguing phenomena, some good, some ‘not so much’. In light of this fact, an Australian humourist, who wishes to remain anonymous, has generated a similar work dedicated to people of goodwill and good humour who live in Tasmania under its unique and often puzzling and frustrating system of government and official patronage.

This person hopes that the work may enlighten and enrich their lives. The author invites readers to submit additional new words to what he hopes will become a collaborative work of art on Tasmanian Times, in which all men and women of goodwill can participate and enjoy. While obviously of direct relevance to Tasmania, new words submitted with their definitions should also be as broadly applicable to life outside Tasmania as possible. Submissions can be made through Comments below, or by sending to [email protected] who will act as moderator and judge of merit for inclusion.

The Meaning of Vandielaff

Word Word type Meaning Derivation
Aaaffluent noun Industrial wastewater that is harmless to the environment, or (figuratively) something that does not exist in the real world, such as rocking horse dung. From effluent with a ‘triple A’ rating.
Aaffluent noun Industrial wastewater that does not quite meet the criteria for aaafluent. See aaafluent.
Abeltasmanize Verb, transitive To rename something in the pretence that it is something that it is obviously not. See bozone.
Abytz noun The financial chasm that a potential investor contemplates while reading the formal prospectus for a Ponzi scheme based on plantation trees for which there is no market. From ‘abutz’ – Old High German for ‘my uncle was not a Nazi’.
Affluent noun Industrial wastewater that does not quite meet the criteria for aafluent. See aaafluent.
Affluent adjective The financial status of someone who is alleged to have committed insider trading of stock market shares. Common usage.
Arpeedeeceed verb, transitive To legislate a cost-effective independent body out of existence when it recommends actions that are in opposition to the wishes of a Tasminster government. Derivation doubtful – possibly from the former Tasmanian Resource Planning and Development Commission.
Ass-scratcher noun A person who sits on a committee for more than two years without achieving anything. From the activity it is probable that the person was engaged in for the two-year period.
Bartout verb, intransitive To resign from a position of leadership or high office when the going gets tough. Derivation unknown.
Bffluent noun Industrial wastewater that does not quite meet the criteria for affluent. See affluent.
Bigred noun The elected leader of the church of Llenonism. Derivation unknown.
Bleaney noun A physician who eschews largesse and handouts from large pharmaceutical companies and acts instead in the interests of patients and society at large. From the name of Dr Alison Bleaney, 2011 Tasmanian of the Year.
Bobgore verb, transitive To run a commercial enterprise into the ground by failing to recognise the probable impact of medium term market trends on the business. Derivation unknown.
Bobgorne adjective Description of a company that has been bobgored following liquidation of its assets. See bobgore.
Boxamachesinya- letabox noun The lowest form of intimidatory threat used by a lesterbarka that carries the message, ‘we know where you live and we can burn your house down any night we choose’. Ask anyone in Launceston.
Bozone noun A colourless, odourless gas that surrounds the heads of stupid people and prevents sensible ideas from reaching their brains. The ‘Washington Post’ annual invent a new word competition.
Brinegreen noun A person who tries to do too much with inadequate training. Derivation unknown.
Burch verb, transitive To recover a konsidined document from a trash bin so that it can be reboothed. Derivation unknown.
Burnyabarndown noun A higher form of intimidation threat used by a lesterbarka. Ask the Tasmanian Arson Squad.
Cffluent noun Industrial wastewater that does not quite meet the criteria for bffluent. See bffluent.
Dffluent noun Industrial wastewater that does not quite meet the criteria for cffluent. See cffluent.
Dioxymoron noun A person who believes that there are more dioxins in red wine than in industrial effluent. Moron combined with dioxin.
Dougle verb, transitive The act of ridiculing an expert whose opinions are in opposition to government policy. Derivation unknown.
Dougler noun A person who dougles See dougle.
Ecflight adjective Any process that produces aafluent From the acronym for Elemental Chlorine Free that is even freer of elemental chlorine – see poorie.
Edgercashun noun Something for young people that is poorly funded under a Tasminster system of government. See flibflab.
Effluent noun Are you really so thick that we have to spell it out for you? See lala.
Epa noun A body constituted under Act of Parliament that practises scharping. Acronym for ‘Evasive Patronising Administration’.
EPBC Act noun A poorly thought out Act of the Australian Parliament that protects everything in the environment except Homo Sapiens. See nudemperor.
Extingshun noun The effect produced by inhaling large quantities of sulfurous gases. See undertaker.
Flibflab noun A two party political system in which neither party represents the interests of the voters. Based on the names of the two dominant political parties in Tasmania.
Gayze verb, transitive To look at community property and wish that it belonged to you personally. From ‘gaz’ – Indoeuropean for ‘a greedy person of small stature’, also a type of small venomous desert snake that moves sideways.
Gilmurge verb, transitive To fail to publish any information that might put your paying advertisers in a poor light – the opposite of thorfinn. Derivation unknown.
Greybreast noun A high-flying bird that has been rendered flightless by not paying attention to the direction in which it was flying. See nudemperor.
Gunnerment noun A government that acts solely in the interests of a single corporate entity and counter to the interests of the electorate. Where have you been for the past eight years?
Hampshire noun An uninhabited place surrounded by resources that is rejected for development by its owners for no rational reason. See bozone.
Hilthcair noun Something for older people that is poorly funded under a Tasminster system of government. See Bleaney.
Hornsie verb, transitive To attempt to influence the decision of a tribunal official. Derivation unknown.
Icc noun Similar to epa. See epa.
Iga noun A waste of time and effort, also any action lasting over two years that was doomed to failure from the outset. Acronym for Intergovernmental Grants for Ass-scratchers.
Indicator Species noun Any asthma sufferers living in the Tamar Valley. See EPBC Act.
Kon verb, transitive To issue a government document full of lies and half-truths. Derivation unknown.
Konsidine verb, transitive To shred a potentially embarrassing, or incriminating document. Derivation unknown.
Kordamenthol verb, transitive The act of liquidating the assets of an insolvent company while retaining most of the proceeds for one’s self and nothing to small creditors. Possibly a brand of cigarette.
Lala adjective Naïve and silly Possibly a corruption of ‘gaga’
Lestabarka noun A person employed by a corporation to intimidate anyone who opposes its development proposals. Derivation unknown.
Lestrangler noun A person who is employed by a corporation at an enormous salary, is subsequently retrenched and then bags their former employer. Derivation unknown.
Linz noun A person with high ethical standards and clarity of vision. Derivation unknown.
Llenonist palace noun (colloquial) A substantial residential dwelling constructed from building materials that were not paid for by the original owner Colloquial – based on the popularly held belief that the leader of the Llenonite Church lives in such a dwelling.
Llenonite noun A adherent to the faith of Llenonism See Llenonism.
Llenonism noun A religious doctrine that holds that all environmentalists are either students or unwashed people who have never held a job. Derivation unknown.
Longretch noun The effect produced by inhaling minute quantities of sulfurous gases.
McMahon verb, transitive, or noun A person who leaves their personal interests aside for a long period of time to work selflessly in the interest of their local community, or a person who chooses to act in this way. From the name of Robert McMahon, 2012 Tasmanian of the Year.
Merot adjective Descriptive of a method of selecting future employees that does not rely on skills or experience that are relevant to the employment. A merot system is frequently part of a Tasminster system of government. From the acronym ‘Mates Employed Regardless of Talent’.
Misforestry noun A Ponzi scheme involving trees. See abytz.
Mygrane noun The effect produced by inhaling small quantities of sulfurous gases. See hilthcair.
Nudemperor noun An outcome which is blindingly obvious to anyone with an ounce of common sense, but is not obvious to people enveloped in bozone. From the fairy tale written by Hans Christian Anderson.
Occoner noun An ignorant loudmouth with a lust for power who neglects the interests of the people he represents. Derivation doubtful – possibly from ‘ocker’ – an uncouth Australian.
Owzone noun An area of land that a poorie considers to be insignificant. See gayze.
Pauline adjective Descriptive of a type of cargo cult belief that a single large industry will provide unending wealth and growth in living standards for a community. Ironic adaptation of the conversion of Saul on the road to Damascus – adherents of Pauline beliefs have never experienced a change in their beliefs.
Pee-emten verb, transitive The act of being pissed on from a great height. See epa.
Pee-emtfive verb, transitive The act of being pissed on from a lesser height. See epa.
Pickenson verb, transitive The act of enforcing cabinet solidarity in a government operating under a Tasminster system Derivation unknown.
Poorie verb, transitive, or noun To pretend that an industrial process will have no impact on surrounding communities. A person or company who poories – particularly while in receipt of large sums of money. Derivation doubtful – possibly from a description of people living in communities whose leaders have been pooried.
Protected adjective A specific forestry term for a forest coupe that can only be clear felled for peeler logs. See tasminster.
Rebooth verb, transitive To reconstruct a document that has been konsidined. Derivation doubtful – possibly from rebirth.
Robbern noun A retired politician who subsequently accepts a highly paid position on the Board of Directors of a corporation that he or she was in a position to favour with government largess before resigning. See greybreast.
Scharp verb, intransitive The act of not making a decision when you have the duty and power and to do so. Derivation unknown.
Scharper noun A person who scharps See scharp.
Slate noun A hand-held electronic device for information creation and retrieval that will severely lessen the need for paper made from bleached euclaypt kraft pulp in coming years. See bobgore.
Sweeko verb, transitive, or noun To write a supposedly independent report in return for payment that actually reaches the conclusion that the client wants to hear. A report of this type. Derivation doubtful – possibly a contraction of ‘sweet cop’.
Tapinaide noun A public outcry from a group of community minded people against government mismanagement. From Tasmanians Against the Pulp Mill – a courageous group of people who battled against a Tasminster government for 8 years against seemingly insurmountable odds and changed their environment for the better.
Tapinaider noun A person who participates in a tapinaide. See tapinaide.
Tasminster adjective A system of government which supposedly adheres to Westminster democratic principles but which in fact acts to line the pockets of politicians elected under such a system and favours companies and individuals who contribute campaign funds to the political party in government against the interests of the wider electorate. You poor bastard – just try living in Tasmania for a while!
Thorfinn verb, transitive To publish the truth without fear or favour – the opposite of gilmurge. From the name of a fearless and respected Viking leader.
Vandielaff verb, intransitive, noun To laugh from frustration, rather than joy or happiness, in order to maintain one’s sanity under trying circumstances. The hollow quavering sound made by someone vandielaffing. Believed to be based on the type of laugh uttered by convicts sent to van Diemen’s Land in the early to mid nineteenth century.
Wrighteous adjective A judicial official who maintains their independence and upholds a law in the face of coercive political pressure From the name of Christopher Wright, former Tasmanian supreme court judge.