Second Letter from Thailand

One of the particularly enjoyable aspects of a Thai holiday is the availability of inexpensive massages. There are three main types on offer – a Thai massage, oil massage and a foot massage. There was a time when I would prefer the traditional Thai massage that involved strong pressure point therapy and stretching but the stretching part that manoeuvered limbs to unnatural and extraordinary positions has become too difficult.

I prefer a foot massage. One’s foot and lower leg is vigorously massaged. Key foot pressure points with the pointy end of a small stick get the treatment. It ends with a neck, arm and shoulder massage. It’s almost a full body massage whilst wearing clothes. The benefits of foot massage are numerous and according to the scientific evidence include improvements to circulation, lowering of blood pressure, reducing the effects of depression and anxiety, helping with headaches and migraines, and various other things.

I returned from my foot treatment to the hotel room very relaxed but that soon changed. I’m left a note that read, “Lindsay collapsed in the pool – heart failure. His defibrillator kicked in and he is okay but we have gone to the hospital.”

A quick phone call and I discover all is well. Lindsay had been extremely well looked after by the senior staff at the hotel in the first instance and then a heart specialist at the private international hospital about seven minutes drive from the Grand Centara Resort.

The hotel staff remained concerned and frequently asked, “How is the heart man?”

The heart man and I played golf as part of our annual Chok-Dee Cup tournament. Every year we played a number of games at world-class courses in the Hua Hin area – men versus the women. The name of the trophy comes from hearing the Thai caddies use the expression repeatedly whilst we play. Every time I play a really good shot I hear ‘chok-dee’ in the background, meaning lucky!

In the Chok-Dee tournament the men have again been clear victors and retain the cup. In fact, the women failed to turn up thereby forfeiting the match. We’ll have the cup engraved again.

When travelling I like to take note of the more interesting signage. At the night market small banners signal the cuisine to be purchased therein. Tasty morsels include ‘fried black bamboo worms’, ‘fried red bean worms’, and the least attractive of all, ‘fried cockchafer worms’. I didn’t ask about a ‘cockchafer’.

One of my favourite restaurants has ‘deep fried interstine’ on the menu. That could be the same as ‘deep fried innerbody’ to be found on the menu of another favourite. What it precisely means I’m not about to discover!

I have a slight digression. Many years ago I recall talking to a Member of Parliament best known as ‘Jammo’. He told me he spent time door-knocking his constituency and on one occasion he walked up the pathway to a front door and looked down to find the path’s fresh concrete wasn’t set. He had left his footprints all the way to the front door. The really funny part of the story was that he left his opponent’s brochure attached to the front door. Ethical?

Now to tell you about my ‘Jammo’ experience. Whilst in Hua Hin I often hire a motorbike to explore the district. On one occasion I was set the task of finding new restaurants for our group to dine at.

I drove my hired bike to a restaurant we had hitherto not tried. After inspecting the menu, which I found to be directed at the tourist market, I sought the armadio d’acqua (‘dunny’ in the Aussie vernacular) and made my way down a long path at the rear of the building. Upon returning in the direction of my bike I glanced down. Yes, you guessed it. There was no mistaking who was guilty. There was just one set of footprints heading in the direction of the toilet and the same footprint trailed out. I hightailed it to the bike.

Another day, another motorbike. For safety reasons and because I intended travelling a reasonable distance, this one was bigger than those I usually hire. It was a 500cc Honda. Total cost for the day was 500 baht, about A$15.

Destination Dan Singkhon. Driving time to the pass on the Thai-Myanmar border was 2 hours 25 minutes. The old gluteus maximus was a little tender upon arrival. Soon after I completed some stretches, I headed for the border 200 metres away. There are two checkpoints. The first is a ‘quarantine health check’ where two uniformed women were more interested in their lunch than checking potential emigrants. The Thais love their food and eat healthily, seemingly ‘grazing’ all day long.

With a typical welcoming Thai smile one of the women raised the boom gate and waved me past. At the second, more official checkpoint two men in uniform who, with a shake of the head, made it quite clear I was not permitted to pass into Myanmar.

“But I only want to ride a short distance and return within an hour or so,” I pleaded.

“Where are you from?” asked a smiling official.

“Australia. I have ridden from Hua Hin to cross into Myanmar for a short time.”

At the mention of Australia an official reached for his camera. He worked overtime to photograph a lunatic from Australia who had ridden for over two hours to be rejected at the border. Suddenly three more officials appeared from an adjoining office and out of deference to the most senior the others stood aside. The camera focussed on the boss.

They have never seen an Australian before; it is rare to have a motorcyclist visit; or they are compiling photographic evidence lest there is a rush at the gate?

Turning to the top man I asked, “Are you a General, the boss?”

With that promotion he moved closer for the best angle shot. Medals glistened in the sun. He announced, “Yes, Inspector.”

Alas, the promotion didn’t cause a change of heart. We shook hands; more photographs and I turned my wheels back to Hua Hin. Myanmar can wait.

Gordon d’Venables has been, inter alia, a teacher, soldier, farmhand, lawyer and businessman. As a lawyer he travelled extensively for international clients. His letters from various times and places around the globe (PNG, England, Ireland, France, USA, Saudi Arabia, Serbia, Iran and others) refer to some of his experiences. Gordon’s recently published book, The Medusa Image, can be obtained from Pegasus at www.pegasuspublishers.com, ISBN: 9781784658939 www.amazon.com.au or https://www.amazon.com/Medusa-Image-Gordon-DVenables/dp/1784658936

GORDON D’VENABLES: Letters.

GORDON D’VENABLES: Letter from USA, pre-Soviet Union Breakup.

GORDON D’VENABLES: Letter from Belgrade.

GORDON D’VENABLES: Letter from Iran.

GORDON D’VENABLES: Letter from India.

GORDON D’VENABLES: Letter from Saudi Arabia.

GORDON D’VENABLES: Letter from Vietnam.

GORDON D’VENABLES: Letter from Germany.

GORDON D’VENABLES: Letter from London.

GORDON D’VENABLES: Second Letter From London.

GORDON D’VENABLES: Second Letter From Iran.

GORDON D’VENABLES: Letter from Moscow.

GORDON D’VENABLES: Second Letter from Moscow.

GORDON D’VENABLES: Letter from St Petersburg.

GORDON D’VENABLES: Letter from Ireland.

GORDON D’VENABLES: Letter from Hua Hin, Thailand.