The Labor and Liberal parties have teamed up to pass a vaccine mandate bill.
The new bill requires all members of both houses of the Tasmanian Parliament to be fully before they sell their soul to the highest bidder. The regulation will take effect immediately.
Minister for Maates Management Guy Barnett said the vaccine mandate was the next step in securing Tasmania’s future, the Liberal Party’s state election slogan that it is still repeating daily a full seven months since the election.
“If members were to get sick, there might be a delay in hocking off Tasmania,” he stated. “There are giant holes to be dug and never properly rehabilitated. Landscapes to be scarred with giant power transmission lines for foreign carpetbaggers to profit from. Forests to be felled at a loss. Coastal waters to be invaded and trashed. We wouldn’t want to hold any of that up or Mother might get angry.”
Labor fully supported the bill.
“Imagine what would have had happened if, due to a COVID outbreak, we hadn’t been able to lock in pokies trashing our social fabric until 2043?” asked Shadow Minister for Tasmania Inc. Janie Finlay rhetorically.
“Tasmania needs a functioning rubber stamp legislature and we are proud to play our part in being the watchkitten of Tasmanian democracy. When tough scrutiny is required on key legislation, voters can be assured we’ll be behind the sofa chasing a ball of scrunched-up paper full of empty words.”
Cross-bench opposition to the bill was cut short so that major party members could attend the joint Labor-Liberal Christmas shindig.
The evening was themed:
Labor is Red
Liberal is Blue
We Follow the Money
So Fuck You
and featured a bearded man in a red suit slaughtering reindeer for JBS and passing out stockings full of Federal Group gaming chips.
“It’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas,” commented Barnett.
