Macquarie Point Corporation are moving from strength to strength after their opening of the first road at the site recently.
MPC have announced they are now planning for a street light to be installed at about this time next year.
“Our wondrous street light will be a beacon for the people of the island, lighting up the darkness of Tasmanian summer,” said CEO Merry Messiah.
“Not only that, but it will provide an opportunity to interactively mesh mission-critical testing procedures with the exciting potential of the newly-opened Boulevard of Broken Dreams.”
James Dean being unavailable, the Boulevard was jointly opened by Messiah herself and Infrastructure Minister Michael Ferguson last week.
“Broken Dreams…well, we have delivered in spades,” said Ferguson proudly as he cut the ribbon to open what he described as ‘a new era in 5m wide asphalt roads’ in Tasmania.
Meanwhile the streetlight is planned to have the latest in interactive technology.
“The closer you get to it, the more light will fall upon you,” enthused Messiah.
“Thus best-of-breed alternative paradigms embraced by Macquarie Point Corporation will quickly transform the ethical human capital into someone less likely to get stabbed on the waterfront.”
During the day, the multifunctional lamp-post will also be in use a dog urinal and as something-badly-placed-on-the-footpath-that-people-can-walk-into.
Remediation of the site of the proposed lamp-post is well advanced, according to Messiah.
“We now look forward to establishing an Assessment Panel to select its preferred proponents to continue to the next stage of the competitive bid process for the lamp-post,” Messiah said. “We have had strong interest in the lamp-post from Liberal Party donors and and two wink wink outstanding shortlisted cronies developers will now move through to the Request for Proposal stage.”
Ferguson admitted that the one year time-frame to install the lamp-post was ambitious, but was confident that Macquarie Point Corporation would be up for the challenge.
“Merry has assured me of their ‘uniquely iterate distinctive infrastructure of can-doism’, unlike The Greens who would have built a fairy walk rather than a real road. Or Labor who something something David O’Byrne blah blah unTasmanian something something, we’ve only got a year for this project so Labor should stop whining and get right behind it.”
“There’ll be a lot of three-martini lunches between now and then but we’ll see how we go,” he declared.
Other future projects on the drawing board at Macquarie Point include a rubbish bin, a park bench facing a pile of sawlogs, and a flagpole to be used for saluting bad ideas.
“The concept is that we could have an annual ceremony to honour great Tasmanian shit ideas,” explained Messiah. “Both currently-serving and retired shitheads would come along to pay their respects to unbuilt white elephants, failed cargo cults and the Opaque Brotherhood of How Dare You Ask Where The Money Went.”
She said the ‘collaboratively incept multimedia based intellectual capital cultural landmark project’ was the idea of the honey guy who didn’t pay rates because Meander Valley Council wasn’t god. “Unfortunately he hasn’t been able to visit the site yet because he and his family believe visiting Hobart is the devil’s work. We also tried to set up something by Zoom, but he said there is no evidence the internet exists and that to even think of it is to challenge the authority of the Almighty to take a dump in your headspace.”
She noted that although his attitude might be a problem moving forward, that was not a direction Macquarie Point was planning to embrace any time soon.
