Tasmanian Times

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. No price is too high for the privilege of owning yourself. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. No price is too high for the privilege of owning yourself. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche


The Blue Sea …

*Pic: Blue sea … Lib pollies spruik their appeal for the March 3, 2018 state poll …

First published Feb 21

After her recent axing by Mercurius, the Roman god of financial gain, commerce, trickery and thieves, we offer a big welcome to our erection guru Windi who is visiting Van Diemen’s Land as the Tasmanian Liberal government’s senior advisor on tourism, bovine effluent and methane.

Over to you Windi – and a big welcome on behalf of TT and all its readers.

The current Sea of Blue surrounding every city, town and village is visible evidence of a pending Tasmanian election as we, the born-to-rule, strive to lower the bar by using our clever new advertising slogan … Taking Tasmania to the next Level.

In less than three years our beloved leader, the eye popping Willie, has blown his attempt before the United Nations to roll back the World Heritage Listing over Tasmanian forests in order to allow the logging of the iconic Western Tiers, played a blinder over the Triabunna chip mill, enabled the salmon industry to pollute the pristine waters of Macquarie Harbour, and hopped into bed with the gambling lobby.

[i]The question now is this:[/i] Can young Willie achieve the ultimate and drop the bar altogether? With my help I think the answer is Yes.

We see before us an army made up of the same old powerful faces with their colours nailed to the wall in a Sea of Blue, all generously paid for by our very rich friends, the one-armed bandits. These living Liberal fossils promote the clearfelling and burning of our beautiful island’s landscape to the benefit of a billionaire from Sarawak, who we here count as a real friend.

This epic only costs the hard-pressed Tasmanian taxpayer a million dollars a week to keep on the road – but what is a million a week if it keeps the boys happy?

Some cynics say that this burning is designed to force those who cannot breathe, and the tourists, the undeserving poor and my good self, into those welcoming pubs and clubs which will not survive the stormy blast if their bandits are rounded up and shown the door.

Willy and his merry men are still light on female candidates, and this is sad because they come in real handy when it comes to elections.

The guru in this field is a lady from Dallas known to be a descendant of Daniel Boone and now very close to Mercurius who considers the “toothpick” (as the Texans call the penile bone of a raccoon) to be the ultimate good luck charm. I pointed out to her during our one brief and difficult meeting that it did not always work, and I quoted another Texan of note, one Davy Crockett, who was still clutching his silver-mounted “toothpick” and wearing his famous coonskin cap when he croaked at the Battle of the Alamo.

As a point of interest this has made this special bone [I]de rigueur[/I] for all self-respecting rednecks from Tennessee to Tasmania.

Jerry promptly drew my attention to the sledgehammer bone of the Walrus whose size has caused we ladies To talk of Many Things: Of shoes – and ships – and sealing wax — Of cabbages – and kings …

As a result of all this, and going with the flow, I have acquired three Shawnee silver-mounted lucky-bone pipe stoppers, and a Pipe of Peace and a walrus whacker made by the Chukchi Eskimos to be shared, smoked, tamped and waved to bring us good luck when I meet that larger than life Willie Down Under during my TT erection interview.

Now that I have the inside track from the guru herself regarding the power of these, my new-found charms, I will cast their spell and Willie will drop the bar completely, thereby Taking Tasmania to the next Level whereupon Cass and Becks from Wonderland can ask respectively why [I]The sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings.[/I]

*John Hawkins was born and educated in England. He has lived in Tasmania for 13 years. He is the author of “Australian Silver 1800–1900” and “Thomas Cole and Victorian Clockmaking” and “The Hawkins Zoomorphic Collection” as well as “The Al Tajir Collection of Silver and Gold” and nearly 100 articles on the Australian Decorative Arts. He is a Past President and Life Member of The Australian Art & Antique Dealers Association. John has lived in Australia for 50 years and is 75 this year. In two of the world’s longest endurance marathons and in the only teams to ever complete these two events, he drove his four-in-hand team from Melbourne to Sydney in 1985 and from Sydney to Brisbane in 1988.

Author Credits: [show_post_categories parent="no" parentcategory="writers" show = "category" hyperlink="yes"]


  1. Chris Harries

    February 22, 2018 at 9:27 pm

    There are also signs of blue fighting blue. In upper Davey St a Sue Hickie poster adorned the front yard of a prestigious homestead for a while, only to be torn down and immediately replaced with Elise Archer posters. When I say torn down, I mean the star pickets were forcefully bent over at right angles.

    I guess that’s in keeping with free-market philosophy. It isn’t the first time this sort of thing has happened. A feature of the Hare Clark voting system is the way candidates of parties have to vie for seats against their own colleagues.

  2. mike seabrook

    February 22, 2018 at 1:56 am

    send the fruit fly bill to the vics

    the more you look and the more of the fed money you spend , the more you find – just like tassie foxes

  3. John Hawkins

    February 21, 2018 at 5:52 pm

    Should Tasmania dump the pokies out of pubs and clubs a mighty ripple will run throughout the Australian pokie industry – and those families that control this rotten business.

    A dangerous precedent will have been set.

    “Officially, Australians lost $12 billion on pokies in 2015-16, but this data is already out of date and the honest truth is that total pokies losses in calendar 2017 were probably around $14 billion.”

    This election has nothing to do with the best interests of the voting public.

    It is now about buying votes in order to protect a pokie industry that pays protection money to whoever will give it immunity.

    It will pay however much is needed to anybody who can buy them votes.

    The Harlots are the Hodgies of this world who have sold their souls to Mammon to retain their power as they defend the indefensible.

    Keep the pokies in the Casinos.

  4. Robin Charles Halton

    February 21, 2018 at 10:31 am

    John, As bad as it may seem to some, a flood of blue is potentially the best result for the State given the state of the State that would see Red and Green elected on the back of using their pokies losers game plan!

    None are perfect, most are fibbers of a kind but the worst kind are the Greens who only ride on what they see as flaws in all forms government excluding their own self serving games.

    Labor has the nerve to ride along on its pokies reform agenda, prepared to dish out tens of millions to pubs and clubs as well!

    What else they have in mind heavens knows, close down forestry once again and stop the salmon industry in its tracks.

    We need broader thinking state wide, if it wasnt for Lambie and her stupid book and indifference with Steve Martin entering the Senate “in her place” but as an Independent Lambie may had a chance of holding a balancing act in Braddon but in my opinion she is on the brink of destroying her own political career, killed off by her own vanity.

    Some how there needs to be a game changer at this next election but I havent seen anything that remotely appeals to me as a plan that can be achieved, probably much of the same with a few spits and starts now and again to foster questionable bouts of enthusiasm.

  5. Simon Warriner

    February 20, 2018 at 8:47 pm

    re #4’s last para, OMoR, laws are made in the lower house of our Parliament. The law you seek disadvantages party politics, so it follows that it would be ambitious to expect either a liberal or labor dominated government to pass such a law. The greens claim to support full disclosure, but they are also a political party and thus cannot be trusted to do what they say if ever they get to a dominant position.

    I have suggested more than once that if we want sensible laws passed we will need to elect a significant number of independents to the lower house, and keep booting them out until they do as they are told. >80% is a pretty clear instruction by my reckoning.

  6. Ole-Man-A-Ross

    February 20, 2018 at 12:53 pm

    If anyone travels the Midland highway he will be struck by sea of blue grafettie, signs I imagine that are paid for by the gambling lobby.

    Well, last week, thanks to the high winds, much of this grafettie has been grounded, Rene Hidding, down, Guy Barnett blown to kingdom come, which may suit his fundamentalist religious preferences,

    Mark Shelton still up, but he is screwed to low level fences, Jane Howlett standing firm as she is generally located in sheltered and not so prominent locations, after all she is a woman which are an unpopular species in the Liberal Party!

    John Tucker blown away in many places, but that may be, while he has his 10 gallon hat, he is just missing his gunbelt, six shooters and of course his horse to weigh him down!! However it seems that the fixers sponsored by the Farrell family have now been along and raised the casualties from the dead.

    Talking of “sponsors”, with over 80% of all Tasmanians stating that they need disclosure of all donatations to political party and individuals before the elections, WE MUST MAKE THIS THE LAW in this state. Suggestions on how this could be done would be great.

  7. Studler van Surck

    February 20, 2018 at 11:17 am

    Any truth to the rumour that the sea is so overwhelmingly blue because the Federal Group has bought up all the corflute in Tas, and new stocks are not arriving from China till after the election?

  8. Ted Mead

    February 20, 2018 at 10:05 am

    John – Maybe you should have suggested that the old-boys coterie of the Liberal brigade consider wear a penis gourd – Koteka. It’s probably the only way they will get anything of substance up in the future!

  9. Pete Godfrey

    February 20, 2018 at 9:29 am

    John, you left out one of the great achievements.
    Winding back on spending on biosecurity and introducing Fruit Fly to Tasmania.
    That has to be tops.

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