How will Tony Abbott create the million jobs that he promised before the election? We penetrate the veil to discover some astonishing opportunities.

Acording to Joe Hockey, unemployed youth will have to apply for 40 jobs per month ( SMH ) while other unemployed must apply for 20 or so positions per month. Currently there are some 720,000 unemployed in Australia ( ABS ) competing for about 140,000 vacancies ( ABS ).

These rather ordinary sounding numbers turn out to represent thrilling opportunities, creating the potential for an administration-led recovery that could power Australia’s future.

Because the application requirement is created by fiat, there is no need to be tied down by market forces or be inconvenienced by changes in demand. It’s recession proof!

Some simple maths cracks open the veil on the panoply of opportunities thus created.

100,000 youth producing 40 applications per month means 4 million applications per month. The remaining 620,000 unemployed (20 applications per month) would deliver a further 12.4 million applications each month, giving a grand total of around 16 million applications per month.

With those kinds of numbers each month, the private sector and government will urgently need more staff to process, sort and respond to those applications, as well as keep records in case of Centrelink checking on the individual unemployed. It’s a veritable miracle of job creation.

We can expect the vacancy rate to increase markedly as these requirements hit the private and public sectors. Furthermore if all applications (or even most) were required to be sent by mail, Australia Post and the pulp & paper industry could be saved overnight! If electronic lodgement was used then that would represent a huge business boost for the NBN. By a stroke of Kevin Andrew’s pen.

To review, 16 million applications per month is 192 million applications per year (remember the actual number of vacancies doesn’t matter, what’s important is that there are plenty of unemployed to send applications). If we allow that one person could reasonably review 50 applications per day (less if replies had to be written) or 12,500 per year, that would result in a need for over 15,000 people just to process the applications!!! Each of them would need supervision, management, training, quality assurance, safety and human resources leading to total employment of around 25,000!

If those activities were conducted by the federal government (business might not have the time available) then 25,000 new public service jobs would be created! That’s nearly an 18% increase in vacancies created by the stroke of a pen. It would only take 40 more initiatives of that scope to achieve Tony Abbott’s 1 million new jobs. Add the 100,000 training places needed to support “Earn or learn” and we see a rosy future indeed.

This author is not sure how the government has budgeted for that much growth but whatever the expense it is surely worthwhile if it forces dole recipients to do their darndest to get real work. If budget is a problem, then ‘work for the dole’ recipients could be used to do the work!

Wake up Australia, the future is here today and it is in administration!

DISCLAIMER: This program is NOT an attempt by government department bureaucrats to increase their own budgets, staff numbers, computer systems and power. Instead it is a well considered element in a government wide policy framework to reinvigorate Australia.

• Pete Godfrey, in Comments: Well done Mike, unfortunately there appears to be no one in the Federal Government who are up to your maths skill level. How bloody stupid is that. I am thinking of applying for the dole just so I can write stupid job applications. One example could be: 59 year old bloke, chronic health problems, degenerative spinal problems, poor eyesight, colour blind, dodgy knees. Sorry can’t drive for long because of my congenital lumbar problems, can’t sit for long for same reasons. Sorry can’t work on ladders due to vertigo. Experienced Electrician, Builder, Labourer, Youth Worker, Teacher (Trade) and general handyman. Your company really needs my experience and enthusiasm. Please give me a job.

• Ros Barnett, in Comments: I am asserting that the jobs newstart recipients apply for do not have to be an advertised job as it is the mantra in jobnet offices that there are other ways to job seek, ie dropping off a cv in person to a workplace. So, I am suggesting that we all attend Eric Abetz office in person and hand in our cvs once a week, explaining of course that we could do his job better than him. Or we could apply to be a political advisor to any of the LNP politicians. I would almost be happy to do that as a volunteer.