EVERY FEW MONTHS there’s a blitz of catalogues touting the golden uplands of a life lived through the joys of Adult Education.

Whenever I see them I can’t help thinking of a cartoon I saw some years ago called The Funeral of the Man Who Invented the Newspaper Insert. As the pallbearers solemnly bear the coffin towards the grave, the deceased falls to the ground behind them.

Now I’m all for education, especially of adults. After all why should the young be the only ones entitled to “outcomes”?

Adult Education offers the lot: over 600 courses. For a modest fee you can learn to run a small business, come to terms with any aspect of computing, learn Welsh, how to knit wire jewellery, how to make pants that fit, and get to know your sewing machine. You can learn plant propagation, produce a family tree, or record your life story. There’s something for everyone.

Now I’m willing to go along with (but not to) courses in Roman blind making, cake decorating, or even how to achieve “The Best Lawn in The Street”. I’ll even concede that learning “How to be Adventurous with Vegies” (let’s not go there) might be of benefit to the community at large. Though it could probably be argued that the $105.60 for this course spent adventurously at Salamanca Fruit Mart might just be more fruitful.

There are however, some courses in these catalogues that make you wonder about how broad a definition of “education” should be permitted before the knowledge industry drags itself even further into disrepute.

The office psychopath

Did I miss something or did the Enlightenment bypass Tasmania entirely? For instance, the latest catalogue offers a course on reincarnation titled “Have We Been Here Before?” Do you have to pay again if it is discovered that you have been here before as someone else, or can you claim a refund if you discover this is only your first time round?

Then there’s “Redefining Your Life with Astrology”. One can only imagine Tasmania having a bit of a battle sustaining its much-vaunted Intelligent Island description while offering courses in “Fairy Knowledge for Fairy Lovers”? Though at a modest fairy-sized $18.70 you have to admit this one is a bit of a bargain.

On another level, paying $15 to learn, “How to Deal with the Office Psychopath” puts a new slant on where industrial relations is heading … as does its companion course “Having a Laugh at Work” ($24). Shades of David Brent/Ricky Gervais and The Office. $24 to learn how to plant whoopee cushions and email funny Mpegs?

Then there’s the 4 -hour walk around Battery Point. $40.70! I’m sure the guide is exceedingly erudite and you would be guaranteed to come away with a wealth of knowledge about the area. But I can’t help thinking that your money might be better spent on a good guidebook and buying the editor of this journal a few beers at Shippy’s. I’ve tried it … and that’s what I call Adult Education!

Rob Walls www.robwalls.net