Stadium Now Officially a POSS (Paragon of Stupid Shit)

The Tasmanian House of Assembly has today granted POSS (Paragon of Stupid Shit) status to the Macquarie Point stadium project.

“I think we all can agree that this really is a genuine Paragon, a shining example if you will, of Stupid Shit,” said Premier Rockliff proudly. “Just like the Ralphs Bay Marina and the Gunns Pulp Mill, this has POSS written all over it.”

“We’re really looking forward to doing all the due diligence we should have done before we got forelock-tugged by the AFL to spaff a billion bucks on a thought bubble without either a plan or a design.”

“And of course to the community consultation, that’s very important,” he added. “There’s nothing we like better than seeking a wide range of views from across Tasmanian society, and then completely ignoring the inconvenient ones. It’s very satisfying.”

The POSS process will involve assessment on a number of fronts, including:

• is the whole concept, simply put, shit? Or very shit?
• are the financial projections a crock of shit?
• what kind of shit colour will the monstrosity be? Rumours put the options anywhere between pale yellow abused greyhound shit to raging Gutweinator liquid metalshit grey. Or the Liberal Party’s favourite colour: money.
• will the stadium turn Hobart’s heritage skyline to shit?
• how far up Shit Creek Rivulet will the project send the state budget?
• what other shitty shit-arsery the If-You-Build-It-The-Grifters-Will-Come Boys Club^TM has hidden in the project details?

After hearing submissions about how shit the stadium is for two years, or three, or four, or more, the POSS will return to parliament for a second vote.

In the meantime Tasmania Devils CEO Grant O’Brien has recently employed a team of money-pissers to get to work on the stadium.

“First thing to do is build a wall between us and those sad sacks doing flower arrangements at the Cenotaph,” he said. “We’ll call it the Wall of Forgettance so we can pretend they don’t even exist. Then my team will be pissing money up against the wall in no time.”

According to the plan, the money will then trickle down into a giant washing machine intended to launder the shit out of the stadium project.

“It probably won’t work, but hey, that’s trickle down economics for you,” he explained. “But it may make it smell better. The secret is in the public softener we use, Propaganda.

“Once the heady smell of outlandish promises – freshly half-baked right here in Hobart – wafts over the city, Tasmanians will go nuts for this.”

Treasury advice to Premier Rockliff regarding the stadium.

Meanwhile the descendant of a Tasmanian football legend, who spent his life waiting for a valid reason to build a stadium we don’t need, has died last night aged 237.

Darrel Baldock Jr Jr Jr Jr Jr Jr Jr Jr Jr Jr Jr passed away peacefully while dreaming of the sensible redevelopment of an AFL-standard stadium already publicly-owned and paid for, like Bellerive Oval.

Against his wishes, Baldock Jr Jr Jr Jr Jr Jr Jr Jr Jr Jr Jr will be buried under a 40-metre-high pile of crap at Macquarie Point.