Light Beam Marks ‘Stupidest Project in the Universe’

The People’s Intergalactic Assembly (PIGA) have claimed responsibility for the mysterious beam of light that appeared in Hobart this week at Macquarie Point.

“Yep, it’s ours,” said ֆ֎ṓʁɷʦ, spokesalien for the organisation. “We sent it down to mark the location of the Stupidest Public Project in the Universe, as unanimously voted by our judges in the Resources, Sustainability, Enterprise (RSE) awards.”

According to ֆ֎ṓʁɷʦ, most awards are for various categories of excellence but in this case the judging panel decided to award a special PIGA-RSE for ‘the most fucked-up, brain-dead, god-awful, motsapalooza waste of money we have ever seen and are ever likely to see in our million-year lifetimes’.

“That’s the polite translation of the head judge’s comments,” explained ֆ֎ṓʁɷʦ. “To be honest it sounded far worse in his native language of Zootocrypticon.”

“When the judges heard about the proposed Macquarie Point redevelopment, it was obviously a candidate for RSE award assessment,” zor* continued.

“But a stadium? A billion dollars of public money committed to little more than a calamitous wet fart of a golly-gush boys’ club idea with no plan, no design, no public consultation and no sane rationale? 3 kilometres from an existing stadium of appropriate size in good condition? No no no. This is an astoundingly clear case of how not to do public policy.”

PIGA said the site would continue to be lit up until the whole universe was aware of the benchmarkable stupidity of the Tasmanian government.

“We want the peoples of the universe to learn from how underdeveloped societies such as those on Earth are prone to corrupting good public policy for money, something most of the sophisticated have moved on from.

“To this end, we installed the beam which in fact functions of a giant telescope that is accessible to all parts of the universe.

“Any citizen of the universe can easily observe the stadium project as it sputters, flounders, and eventually drowns in a toxic vat of its own hubris.

It promises to be both educational and very entertaining.”

The spokesalien was at pains to point out that the beam posed no harm to Tasmanians.

“Light per se is not harmful,” zor explained. “Indeed Tasmania could use a bit more of it to illuminate the dark recesses of the backrooms in which deals are done. We even offered some discount light to David Walsh but he was too stingy to buy any so Dark Mofo it is.”

*zor is a gender-neutral pronoun in general use across the member states of PIGA

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