Tasmanian Labor has been forced to admit under questioning that they are planning to change the names of the seasons.

“The new seasons will be spring, summer, autumn and the cold, dark bit,” explained leader Rebecca White yesterday.

“The previous name for the cold, dark bit was deemed unsuitable by a baklava-eating sub-committee of four faceless men, three union thugs, two number crunchers, one junior staffer with an ambition to do more than wear red t-shirts one day, and a Bartlett in a pear tree.”

All references to the previous name of the cold, dark bit are to be expunged from school text books across the island.

“There are very obvious, entirely understandable, practical reasons for this eminently-sensible position,” stated White. “Like me getting rolled.”

Former Premier Bartlett, taking a break from being a smug clappy-booster for carpetbagging basketball hustlers, decided to weigh in the issue.

“It’s absurd,” he complained. “The cold, dark bit had the potential to be elected the best season. It has great aptitude for weather policy. It is already the best season in southern Tasmania. Pure as the driven snow. I have a puffer jacket and I vote.”

To assist Tasmanians with the end of daylight saving and resetting of clocks, a daily whining session about season names is to be held at 12 noon sharp every day for the foreseeable future.

“We view this as a win-win that will ensure all Tasmanians, regardless of their socio-economic circumstances, all the battlers out there, are guaranteed to be able to witness Labor faffing about rather than formulating actual policy,” concluded White.

Today’s whining session will feature a letter from the Australian Workers Union saying someone stole their lunch money. Federal Labor Leader Anthony Albanese is also expected to take a break from saying nothing meaningful about anything nationally to say nothing meaningful about anything in Tasmania sometime soon. Or not.

DAVID BARTLETT: ‘Come to their senses’.

ABC: Australian Workers Union issues letter of demand over Tasmanian Labor’s snub of Dean Winter.