Satire
TasWater Is a-Changin’
TasWater Obfuscation Policy No. 7,3241:00
It has been demanded that ALL members of TasWater staff will undergo obfuscation training in the near future as a matter of urgency.
This has been initiated by Big$Note who himself has a PhD in OH&S.
https://tasmaniantimes.com/
It has been noted by the CEO Big$Note that occasional and random documents have contained elements of loose fact and vague logic. He subsequently has firmly stated:-
Quote:
This will only confuse people who are expecting consistency in our ability to fill our documentation with meaningless garble and contradiction.
It is important that our organisational hierarchical needs are aligned with our self actualised, incentivised intentionality. We need to get all our ducks in a row and look under the bonnet of our organisation to find our unyielding blue sky thinking hats.
We need a more contemporary reimagining of our remote incremental hardware; don’t worry, we will run it up the synchronised asset paradigm-shift flagpole while we get on-message about touching base.
I should not have to continually refer back to our strategic staircase with its complicated design to appropriately mesh our client expectations with our market intentions.
We need to open our kimono to the wider audience, to reveal our vulnerabilities. We should peel the onion to find our nodal points from which our corporate philosophy can be developed. As we say in the backroom, it’s all about competently generating resource-maximising niches of synergetic deliverables.
In addition to obfuscation training it is also imperative that all staff are trained in Looking Busy Skills. Office staff will need to meet minimum competency standards in the skills listed below:-
- Balanced walking with an Ipad or papers in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other
- Walking with intent to provide the illusion you are going somewhere or doing something important
- Always have a phone up to your ear
- Use your mobile to call your work phone and have a pretend conversation
Field staff require an additional subset of important skills as they are likely to be observed by the general public, as well as their fellow TasWater colleagues and media.
- Standing around in a huddle as if consulting
- Nodding with chin resting in thumb and index finger grip
- Pointing at indeterminant things
- Head shaking
- Driving fast between points to provide an illusion of urgency, and if safe, simultaneously pointing at something
- Scribbling on a notepad
- Carrying assorted papers with ‘ENTURA’ printed on them to give the illusion of scientific competency.
Unquote:
There is one famous song that reflects this policy and its inevitable impact on the people of Waratah and the future of the Waratah Reservoir with respect to environmental benefits, tourism, the community economy and the inexorable heritage link to Philosopher Smith.
Bob Dylan at his very best.
Come people of Waratah
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have shrunk
And accept it that soon
You’ll be up to your knees in mud
If your time to you is worth savin’
Then you better start protesting
Or you’ll be stuck like a log
For the times they are a-changin’
Come media and politicians
Who proselytize ad infinitum
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won’t come again
And speak loud and strong
For TasWater’s in a spin
And there’s no tellin’ what
Big$Note will do next
For the faint hearted now
Will never ever win
For the times they are a-changin’
Come media and politicians
Please heed the call
Don’t sit in the Houses
Don’t block up the vote
For he that gets voted out
Will be he who has stalled
The battle outside is ragin’
Will soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin’
Throughout Tassie
What Taswater can’t understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are relying on your demands
Your old road is rapidly agin’
Please get out of the new one
If you can’t lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin’
The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
TasWater will kill
Heritage and tourism
And the platypus now
Will later be history
The order is rapidly fadin’
And our decision is now
And place TasWater last
For the times they are a-changin’
Songwriter: Bob Dylan
https://www.youtube.com/watch?