Private and highly confidential sources close to US President Donald Trump have indicated that he expects to be given the Nobel Peace prize following what he considers to be a marvellous outcome in his Singapore discussions with North Korean Chairman Kim.
These same sources also believe that President Trump in his second term as President of the USA, may well have the ultimate glorification for his time in that roll.
But first, let us explore, with these highly confidential sources, the possibilities of a Nobel Peace prize. First of all “they” and let’s use “they” so we may obscure the gender of this source as well as muddy the evidence as to whether it is one or more close sources to President Trump.
Well “they” tell us that the glorious decor of the meeting, the US totally outwitted the North Koreans. “Their man was dressed in drab clothing, looked unsure of himself and at times even a little uncertain what to do as Trump rabbited on. Big win for Trump and while an old fart with boring American style business suits, ties that would never see the inside of an Italian clothing store, Trump looked confident that a couple signatures would start the process of de-escalation on the Korean peninsular.”
However, privately the sources are not convinced that a long drawn out road to nowhere negotiations will see him honoured with the Peace prize. However “they” adamantly argue that if a Nobel Peace prize was given to a black president, surely the extraordinarily talented white president should be given the same honour.
“Otherwise, always the businessman’” the sources tell us, “Trump might just buy that little Scandinavian country giving out the prize. At this stage,” says the source, “we just need to identify if it’s Sweden or Denmark. There are no other countries in that block are there, could be Greenland could it?” questions the source with a furrowed brow.
Adding with much more confidence, the source continues. “the president would donate the winnings for the construction of a golf course in some destitute part of the US. Nice gesture hey?”
When questioned of the possibility of not being awarded this prize, the source adds, “well maybe we could put forward his name for the literature prize based on his very successful TV shows. Time those Europeans got with the moment.”
Perhaps fearing the sale of Trump image hasn’t been quite grand enough, the highly confidential source leans closer and in a loud whisper, says, “but you know what he is going to do in his second term.” Laughter erupts across the weathered face, “yes, he is going to up every other president ever.”
Prodding the highly confidential source appears necessary here, as “they” appear hesitant. However an offer of another glass of an excellent whisky seems to work. The source’s voice drops , “they” lean closer, “he’s going to orchestrate his own assassination. Yep, you know how American citizens love a presidential death, those bloody Kennedys got a president shot and then that younger brother, what was he Attorney General or something. Bloody Catholics turned grog runners.”
“Our man will be getting close to eighty in his second term. A good innings, but to be remembered for ever is a tantalising thought. So a really stylish assassination must be the way to go. No car assassinations for our man and frankly its better to follow the Republican option. Remember Lincoln getting knocked off in some theatre by some actor?” The sources looks for acknowledgement. Naturally to increase the flow of information, your writer nods encouragingly. “Yes,” adds the source, “it will be on a television show, maybe even Fox, he’s always loved Fox, perhaps a small rocket, little dart, no falling cameras or boring stuff like that, but something that everyone remembers. The paid assassin would have to be very well selected, a vdisgruntled woman past her time, perhaps? No no much better some jaded woman with a mad look in her eye, like a porn star.”
Every other president will be pretty boring following an end like that, hey? Surely must be the best fake death ever…” says the beaming highly confidential source.
*Josephine Zananiri lives in the Independent electorate of Indi and currently works in the manual labour arena tending native and exotic trees, so has plenty of time to think. Followed everywhere by her two dogs Percy and Fino who generally agree on all subjects, only occasionally deserting the conversation in the chase for samba deer! Slight differences in logic can therefore be attributed to the two woofers leaving their critical post!
