HOW HAYNE CAN MAKE IT BETTER
As Jarryd Hayne sets out on his second year in the NFL, here’s the whole nine yards on how he can make a bigger success of it this time around.
1. SWITCH TEAMS. Australian sport has a reputation for grace and humility built by the likes of Sir Donald Bradman, Rod Laver and Nick Kyrgios. But sod that. Maybe it’s time for Hayne to inject some customary arrogance. Amid all this nervousness about will he or won’t he make it, maybe it’s them, and not him, that’s the problem. The 49ers — as benign a team name as, err, the Eels — went 5-11 last season. It’s hard to soar among eagles, etc.
2. SWITCH SPORTS. Forget NFL and go back to league. He’d kill it. Surely USARL teams like the Tampa Mayhem or the White Plains Wombats (not making these up) could use a player of his ability?
3. GET A BETTER NICKNAME. The Plane nickname falls mainly in the lame. A more saucy one would better propel his endeavours. Think of those as evocative and intimidating as “Neon” Deion Sanders, Wilt “The Stilt” Chamberlin, Bernard “The Executioner” Hopkins, and Karl “The Mailman” Malone. OK, Malone missed the boat a little. Also, Ernie “The Big Easy” Els is under review, since no one knows what’s easy for him any more. But Hayne should at least consider adding an adjective to sex up ‘Plane’. Think of Jack “The Golden Bear” Nicklaus, and Wayne “The Great One” Gretzky.