With an election not so far off and specific policies not flooding out from the current government, it might be useful to take a look at our leaders from another perspective, namely faces and specifically teeth, yes teeth. Now on the human face the the only weapons are those good old snappers. And over human history teeth have been used offensively and defensibly!! Perhaps a few of us have experienced the odd nip here and there, particularly the metaphysically snap from Coalition type governments. However our collective bite back only comes at election time, best illustrated by the Queensland electorate’s significant swallow of Campbell Newman a few years back!
However let’s start at the top of the current Federal government … with Sir Mal, haven’t heard this former republican oust sirs and dames from the honours list as yet. For a close scrutiny let’s minimise him to wedding cake groom size. First remove him from the mushy icing. Suggest no licking the icing off his feet, he is potentially a toxic plastic. And anyway that might be construed as surf like adoration. Front on, lips sealed he appears an affable sort of fellow. Now turn him quite fast to the left and scrutinise the profile.
There’s a jutting jaw, is this a touch of the Netherlander. Hummm swiftly return him to the right and front to check the teeth. This could be difficult as the only phrase to open those lips… its a great time to be an Australian might need to be said to the little figure multiple times. Otherwise got for the brutal approach open with a finger nail and hurray the teeth appear. White shiny snapper. But they appear false, way too perfect, the product of magician dentist. Sadly nothing can be construed from these false teeth, nothing original left here.
Now the Deputy PM perhaps there is a bit more scope here for the dental analysis. His frog like appearance however suggests no teeth at all. But perhaps Barnaby is not worth the dental effort as it looks like he’s going to loose this seat anyway. So let’s move on to the Treasurer.
A bit of tooth history here. Tight lipped fellow when running immigration, there is a strong suspicion that he grinds his teeth when unobserved. In social services he flashed the smile now and again and woopse the snappers appeared. Working class, Southern Sydney teeth ready to bite at anyone not from the chosen of the Cronulla style beaches.
While the rest of the Cabinet appears infrequently. None of them appear to have teeth at all. Perhaps all those formers cabinet members and disgraced folk had a few offensive teeth but as they have faded into oblivion, why bother.
However Michalia Cash is worth a note. Quite big flashers she owns. Are those sizable defensive weapons responsible for that extraordinary voice … western Sydney meets New York Jewish tone.
However the Coalitions best offensive weapons teeth lie outside Cabinet in that venerable South Australian, Cory Bernardi. Mr B never smiles but his pearly white shark teeth are generally exposed. Watch out say those teeth, I am coming for you, lefties, and gay folk, rabble with out religion… snap snap digest say big Bernadi teeth, like the Bermuda triangle, I shall swallow you once my teeth hold you tighyly. Or perhaps he only appears like this when talking to ABC journalists…
Perhaps it is worth mentioning Independent teeth. Ricky Muir, Jacki Lambie, Glen Lazarous all appear to have very straight non-offensive teeth. Their smiles do not scare.
Could a vote by teeth be the answer for the upcoming election?
