Tasmania, the Apps of 2016

As a new year ticks over it’s time to reassess how to better manage your life. Our tech reporter here at the Tasmanian Times previews the best of a slew of new apps designed to make life on-the-go easier for Tasmanians.

Festichurn
Now that Tasmania has an average of 527 festivals per day, this app will sort them for you. Just enter a keyword of your choice and Festichurn will reduce the options to just 3, all within are-we-there-yet range and with an apple farm stop on the way home.

F**kYouFerryMuch
An app that can summons demons from the sixth level of Dante’s Inferno and corral them to curse every vehicle in front of you in the queue for the Bruny Island Ferry. The Pro version features Lucifer himself, voiced by Eric Abetz.

That’s Not Cricket
In case Cricket Australia removes the Hobart Test match, this app will provide you with an insipid 3-day game against mediocre opposition right on your mobile device. In-app purchases of overpriced beer available.

Barocket
A music app which plays baroque classics on rotation. Each track is introduced with a blistering Leo Schofield spray at the Liberal Government, arranged for harpsicord and contrabass recorder.

Forestr
This geplocator will identify the location of the nearest Forestry Tasmania active logging operation so that you may either make an offering to the Gods or chain yourself to the machinery, as you wish. An automatic “Pucker Up” notification sent to you for every $1 million squandered enables you to kiss taxpayers’ money goodbye in real time.

Bay Me Up Scotty
Tired of living in a suburb with a bad reputation? Increase your property value immediately by using this app to convert the name of your suburb to one with Bay in it. Ideal for residents of Ravenswood Bay, Clarendon Bay, etc.

NupIDontHaveAMinute
A mapping tool that identifies locations of those annoying clipboard people in the mall and gives you an alternate walking route to your destination. Hit the “I Feel Guilty” button to donate instantly to the Save Something, Anything campaign.

Un-Park
Point your phone’s camera at any building in Hobart and discover what the site looked like before Ali Sultan built a multi-storey car park on it.