Work has begun on the new stables needed to house Tasmania’s stable majority government, it was announced today. Premier-elect Will Hodgman revealed designers had secretly been drafting plans for the facility for some time, based on expectations of horse-trading required to form a government.
“They already had the knackery completed by last weekend and were able to process some Labor and Green hacks through it straight away,” he explained. “I’m sure it’ll get some more use further down the line in Tasmanian politics.”
The main stable facility however has been held up for ‘technical reasons’, believed to be the tearing up of plans late on Saturday night during over-exuberant celebrations. “And we’ve also had to demand a few last-minute adjustments, such as adapting the stalls to make them suitable for donkeys,” Hodgman added.
A bonus of the stable majority government format is that all parliamentary staff have been laid off and can be rehired as stablehands at $10.30 an hour.
“We don’t even need a groom, we’ve already got one,” crowed Hodgman.
Further cost savings were to come through having the stables mucked out on a daily basis by Hobart Mercury journalists. The throughput of manure from Parliament is expected to increase under a stable majority government and will be used to fertilise a flower garden planted over the pit where the bodies are buried.
Tasmania’s state-of-the-art stables would also have the latest in treatment rooms. A discrete area has been set aside for administering permitted steroids to pet industries, while a veterinarian will be on regular duty so that photo-opportunities involving high-vis vests and hard hats can be checked for lameness.
At his media conference today the Premier-elect also had to respond to questions from curious reporters about a new sculpture on Parliament lawns resembling the number 10. Was it a symbolic representation of the 10 Liberals in the last Parliament who were the launch pad for this election victory? 10 out of the 10 for the successful campaign strategy?
“No, no, it’s nothing really,” Hodgman said dismissively, “just Elise Archer and Adam Brooks posing together for a photo.”
