A Lindisfarne girl has been terrified by a man in a horror costume while out trick-or-treating last night. Young Lara G. was too traumatised to speak to the media about the incident but her parents released a brief statement:
“We thought we had prepared her for everything she might encounter tonight: Frankensteins, scarecrows, howling humdudgeons, jack-o’-lanterns, evil witches, malkins, walking skeletons, zombies, knob-headed nixies, banshees, trolls, gallybeggars and black devils. Perhaps even a hoberdidance or a vicious jemmy burty. But nobody could have forseen this, a mutant cross between Cthulhu and the Tasmanian Legislative Council.”
Police were called to the scene after local residents phoned in reports of an undead troll dribbling blue slime haunting the neighbourhood. “It appears the girl, along with her friend Cassy O., was out trick-or-treating when they encountered a politically homeless man dressed as a grotesque. He was variously described by witnesses as a one-horned animal, an anthropophagus peccary, a northern vampire, an ape-like humanoid, a parasitic union-nymph and Brenton Best. Preliminary investigations based on the hideous facial features and frightful wig have concluded that the costume was most likely to be Brenton Best.”
Instead of offering candy or a novelty, the demon reportedly grabbed the young girls and attempted to force an ALP manifesto upon them. Lindisfarne old-timers heard them screaming and offered them refuge in the community hall at Minority Government, a largely residential subdivision of Rose (-Coloured) Bay.
Renegade Labor backbencher Best denied any involvement in the incident. According to his partner he was at home in Braddon chewing slugs, tipping vitriol over his formerly verdant lawn and writing an open letter to frogs to chastise them for being green.
Meanwhile entrepreneur Adrian Bold promised to tie orange balloons to cable cars if the Hobart-Mt Wellington cable line was ever built. “Think of it as a Halloween gift to mark the grave of the Wellington Park Trust,” he said.
