It wasn’t so much a dead cat bounce as an MDMA-fuelled feline launched into orbit from a cannon.

The numbers first. Unsurprisingly, the US tanked overnight. S&P continued their path of destruction, cutting the credit ratings of Fannie, Freddie and a string of other financiers.

Then fat factory McDonalds reported earnings growth below analyst consensus. The new, low calorie family-friendly happy meals don’t seem to be popular with the barge-arsed mums of America. Still, McDonalds sales are growing in China, which makes one wonder what goes into a Beijing burger.

The local bourse fell of a cliff when the market opened, dropping to GFC levels within an hour. By morning tea time, the damage was more than 200 points, or around 5.5 per cent. Then something happened – I’m not sure what. Newsreaders will describe it as bargain hunting, but hidden in the intraday data must have been something to inspire a buying frenzy.

By close, we’d clawed back all the 200 points lost in the morning, and then some. Eventually, the All Ords finished 40 points up on the day, a market rebound without precedent as far as I’m aware.

US futures, looking scary just a few hours ago, now point to the possibly of a big jump tonight. That will not be consolation to the cowardly investors who bailed out of the market this morning.