Joan Dehle-Emberg
ONLY a conspiracy nut would believe that Richard Nixon killed John F. Kennedy, the collapse of the World Trade Center was controlled demolition, the holocaust did not happen, the Masons are plotting to rule the world, George W. Bush talks to extraterrestrials or that John Gay and Paul Lennon are conspiring on the pulp mill. Here’s how our own home-grown theory goes …
John Gay threatens he’ll take his pulp mill elsewhere:
John Gay: Paul, there has to be a decision in six months! We’ve had offers from all over the world. China … Mongolia … Victoria. We’re close to accepting. You’ve got to get rid of the RPDC!
Paul Lennon: John, old buddy, I’ve got them covered. Pay out Green. Letter box the Task Force all over the North. We’ll get our mill!
John Gay: Those damn tree-huggers are holding us up … again!
Paul Lennon: Don’t worry, old buddy. The Opposition won’t give a squeak. The Party’s under control. The Greens don’t count. We’ve got the raha. They don’t have a cent.
John Gay complains that the payout to Julian Green has been leaked.
John Gay: Some rat’s been blabbing to the media. I want you to pull the rodent in!
Paul Lennon: Don’t you worry, old buddy. I’ll rake through their emails … their phonecalls. Personally! I’ll find the rat.
John Gay: Paul, there’s talk of the Party breaking ranks!
Paul Lennon: No worries, old buddy. No more cosy chats. No more talking to the media. I’ll gag them.
John Gay rails about a further delay.
John Gay: Paul, the fishermen are squealing. Crayfish, abalone, scallops … the lot! They reckon the outfall will ruin the fishing grounds. They’re saying the export market will collapse … Statewide! They’re stirring shit in Victoria. They’re saying thousands will be out of a job.
Paul Lennon: We’ve had this sort of belly-aching before, ol’ buddy. I’ll shut them up. Just take the pipe out further. Easily done.
John Gay fumes about another demonstration.
John Gay: Paul: The tree-huggers have had another demo. That idiot who’s paddling from Sydney led another of their damned flotilla. They’re getting a voters’ block up, too. I think this means trouble!
Paul Lennon: What’s a few thousand out of 500,000? Nothing! We’ll say they’re a small minority of fools.
John Gay: Every delay costs us more. We might have to accept the Victorian offer.
Paul Lennon: No problems, ol’ buddy. We’ll pull their teeth! Media’s under control. I’ve got things covered.
John Gay: Paul, I want the proposal through soon!
Paul Lennon: Don’t worry, ol’ buddy. I promise you’ll get your approval by July.
Only a crazy conspiracy theorist would believe the above conversations really happened … that the press isn’t free, that our State is governed by an autocrat, that John Gay and Paul Lennon are in cahoots on the mill.
Conspiracy theories are misconceived, unfounded and spurious. Conspiracy theorists are paranoid, suspicious, manipulative, irrational, demented liars.
I’m not a conspiracy nut!
