Who Let the Flogs Out?

World Class My Arse

The term ‘world class’ gets bandied about a bit in Tasmania, often without much justification. It’s as if slapping the label on something allows the mental papering-over of deficiencies and detriments. Remember the ‘world class’ pulp mill Gunns was going to build? That ended up destroying the company through the debt and bad management of the project, despite the state’s checks and balances being belted into submission to get the permits issued.

Hence ‘world class’ is a something of a red flag for me. If something is being proclaimed ‘world class’, what are they – usually the government – trying to hide? The ‘world class’ tag is often a deliberate tactic of over-exaggeration to try to posit any opponents as small-minded provincials who don’t appreciate the grandeur of the master plan.

“The Tasmanian Government is continuing to support our world class wild fishing industry and we remain committed to helping it through the challenging circumstances caused by COVID-19 and other global market access restrictions.” – Guy Barnett, Minister for Primary Industries and Water, media release this week.

World class, says who? The ‘global market access restrictions’ would largely be Liberal colleagues in the federal government totally fubaring the relationship with China. And the ‘challenging circumstances’ have been in place for a year now, but the mendicants still have their hands out. Or not. Maybe the state Liberals just decided to do some doling out while everyone is getting quite used to it.

Because that’s what this is about. “I am pleased to announce that a further $663,000 in fee relief is now available for rock lobster and other commercial wild fishers,” declared the minister.

See how the ‘world class’ bit softens you up for a giveaway to the maates club?

That’s how it works.

The gall of these people

We’ve all heard of the rape accusation against, well, accused rapist and Attorney General Christian Porter. And we’ve all seen the Prime Minister’s attempts to wave it all away as ‘a threat to the rule of law’ to have an independent inquiry, after the police found themselves unable to proceed due to the complainant being deceased. And we’ve all heard the brave story of former Liberal staffer Brittany Higgins of her rape by another staff member in the office of Defence Minister Linda Reynolds. We may all have even heard of Reynolds mea culpa this week and apology to Higgins for calling her a ‘lying cow’ to other staff members.

Yet this week the federal government had the temerity to put out this:

The Morrison Government will today launch the $18.8 million third phase of the national campaign to reduce violence against women and their children to mark International Women’s Day
The Stop it at the Start campaign encourages adults to ‘unmute’ themselves and empowers them to take actions that will have a positive influence on the attitudes and behaviours of young people.
Minister for Families and Social Services Anne Ruston said the campaign was critical in our efforts to prevent family, domestic and sexual violence.
…As a Government we see it as our duty to foster a culture in which Australian men grow up respecting the women in their lives.

The utter shameless of these people.

Meanwhile, where are notable moralisers like Senator Eric Abetz when there are pressing moral issues at the heart of his party and government? Loudly condemning the Big Swinging Dicks boys club? Pushing for full and frank investigations of all harassment of women at Parliament House and beyond?

Nope. Silent in a thousand languages.

Just run that idea up the pole and see if anyone salutes it

You are Invited to Collaborate with L___!

In 2016, founder F__ became aware there was a gap in the market for fashion-forward garments in the pole dancing industry. Merging her background in fashion design and a passion for pole dance, L______ was born.

Not your average email opening, to be fair. But if we do get this kind of email, you can guarantee it will be first thing Monday morning.

The EPA Considers…

Mentally I have a picture of the Environment Protection Authority forever on the bog, deep in thought.

All their media releases are framed as The EPA Considers and you have to delve deeper than James Cameron in the Mariana Trench to find out what their decision was.

Latest example:

EPA considers proposal for an increase in production at Mountain Stream Fishery, Targa

The Environment Protection Authority (EPA) has concluded its assessment of a proposal by Mountain Stream Fishery Pty Ltd to increase the production and standing biomass limits from 50 tonnes to 181.5 tonnes of finfish at its hatchery.

This is to reflect current production levels at the existing finfish farm, which produces Atlantic salmon (Salmo salar) and rainbow trout (Oncorhynchus mykiss) in flow-through raceways and tanks. The hatchery is located at 38036 Tasman Highway, Targa in the municipality of Launceston and operates under Environmental Licence 9835/1.

The EPA Director, Wes Ford, made the determination under delegation from the EPA Board. He concluded the proposed development can be managed in an environmentally sustainable and acceptable manner, with certain conditions, and determined to vary the existing Environmental Licence to include the EPA’s new conditions.

“Various environmental issues were considered in the assessment, particularly the impact the discharge from the hatchery is currently having on water quality in the St Patrick’s River,” said Mr Ford. 

…

The proposal was considered by the Director in the context of the sustainable development objectives of the Resource Management and Planning System of Tasmania (RMPS), and in the context of the objectives of the Environmental Management and Pollution Control System (EMPCS) established by the Environmental Management and Pollution Control Act 1994 (EMPCA).

The functions of the EPA are to administer and enforce the provisions of EMPCA, to further the RMPS and EMPCS objectives and, in particular, to use its best endeavours to protect the environment of Tasmania.

The Director undertook the assessment of the proposal in accordance with the Environmental Impact Assessment Principles defined in Section 74 of EMPCA.

The Director’s environmental assessment report, including the environmental conditions, has been issued to the applicant.

….

And there was even more, but for your sanity we decided to leave that out too.

So for those of your playing along What’s Your Decision at home, did you spot it? A simple yes or no might help, but that’s too difficult apparently. A nice clear word like Approve in the headline? Shame on you for asking.

Here at TT we have come up with a simple guide to deciphering EPA decisions:

EPA = Everything Passes Anyway = yes.

Cola Shinola

Healthy Cola that is better for you but still tastes refreshing is here! yelled the media release.

The flavour profile is quite unique, bursting with tiny bubbles of vanilla and cinnamon that delivers the natural sweetness that’s expected from a great cola. And there’s an extra zing with overtones of citrus oil, ginger, and cassia. Together they create an unforgettable flavour celebration.

We’re thrilled to add this new sodalicious flavour to our family that includes fan favourites like Pink Lemonade, Passionfruit, Blood Orange, Lemon and Ginger Beer. We want people to be good to themselves and to think what you drink.

The ‘healthy’ claim appears to be based solely that the stuff only contains 8 calories per bottle. Funny, we moved to the metric system with kilojoules in 1976 so perhaps it’s an old recipe.

But the stuff clearly gives people verbal diarrhoea so it’s a pass from me.

It’s probably the worst media release I’ve seen since the one that claimed to have researched that ‘quality coffee’, regular breaks and desk ergonomics where the three crucial pillars of work-from-home 2020. And guess what, a stylish coffee machine makes all the difference to home office decor being a bit classier.

No need for me to tell you what kind of company put that one out.

Flog of the Week

Our super flog this time out is a sap from the USA called Matt Rowan.

The high school basketball announcer became instantly notorious this week for talking over a live microphone during the national anthem (see featured image above)

He said of one of the teams, Norman HS:

“They’re kneeling? Fucking niggers. I hope Norman gets their ass kicked. Fuck them. I  hope they lose. They’re gonna kneel like that?”

You can read all about him and his career-ending moment here.

This is an TT occasional column calling out public relations spin, egregious stunts, media manipulation and downright sloppy reporting. The ‘news’ doesn’t just magically come into being, it is created. We want to lift the lid on some of the shenanigans that go on behind the scenes. Tips are welcome! Send your information in to submit@tasmaniantimes.com.