Letters to my grandchildren (14)

Dear Chilliwops,

About two thousand years ago the Greek philosopher, Epictetus, said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”

You have probably heard me make the same comment and thought it to be a Popple original. Alas, no. A brain far greater than mine thought of that but it is a philosophy I long ago adopted (no, not two thousand years ago!).

As you know I have always held the view that you should be free to express your opinion. In previous letters I have urged you not to be afraid to speak up especially when you see an injustice, intolerance, racism, sexism, or you want to learn and you don’t understand the point made by your teacher.

But there is a time and place for everything. Being talkative, being eager to be heard before putting your brain into gear can be an Achilles’ heel, can be dangerous or at least a weakness.

“What does Popple mean by an Achilles’ heel,” you may well ask. Allow me to explain.

I digress to tell you about the Greek mythological warrior, Achilles. Achilles’ mother, Thetis, had been told that Achilles would die young. Clearly no mother wants that fate to befall her son.

Having been told of the mystical powers of a nearby river Thetis ventured there anxious to try anything, willing to give anything a go in an effort to defy the predictions. She chose to dip her newborn son into the river that apparently had magical qualities and would supposedly ensure a long and successful life.

Legend has it that Achilles’ mother held her baby in the river Styx, the waters apparently having strengthening and healing powers. She held him by the ankle and naturally this is one area the water never touched.

As an adult Achilles fought bravely at the Trojan War but a poisonous arrow struck him; yes, you guessed it, behind his ankle. He died soon thereafter.

The membrane that runs behind your ankle from your heel to your calf is called the Achilles tendon. It allows you to move your feet and toes. A person’s Achilles heel is regarded as their weakness. It is usually referred to the weak spot in a person who may otherwise be strong of character.

I refer to the Achilles heal to emphasise that talking more than listening can create unnecessary problems. It can be a weak spot.

Whilst I am reciting famous quotes I should tell you another, related comment from the Russian composer Igor Stravinsky. He once said “To listen is an effort, and just to hear is no merit. A duck hears.”

I am sure Stravinsky did not intend to malign ducks but the point he was making is there is merit in actually listening and absorbing the comments of others.

Simply hearing what others say is not sufficient. Listen carefully. Absorb their comments. Don’t just be a duck.

Listening intently also demonstrates you are interested in the opinions of others involved in a conversation and that you value their comments. Your friends will understand you acknowledge their right to express themselves and will certainly appreciate the respect you show them.

Have you ever heard the expression that a person is “full of him or herself”? It is sometimes used to refer to a person who is opinionated and wants to be heard all the time. I have yet to hear of such a person being respected.

We are born with two ears and one mouth. Always remember to listen, really listen and absorb, twice as much as you talk.

Love always,
Your Popple.

*Anton Clever is well into his seventh decade … a former teacher, soldier, farm hand, lawyer and businessman (not in that order). He has travelled extensively for business and for international clients. More recently he has started writing … currently a thriller (which will probably not be worthy of publication, he says) and has written but not published a series of “postcards” from various places (specifically, Victoria, Papua New Guinea, France, Saudi Arabia, Serbia, Iran) referring to experiences in those places. He has also written for several magazines on unusual subjects but matters worthy of debate.