Letters to my grandchildren (5)

Dear Chilliwops,

You may not know this but throughout my life I have made many mistakes. But I have always lived by the philosophy that a person who makes no mistakes makes nothing. That is a variation of the comment from the American lawyer and diplomat, E. J. Phelps: “The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.” This was from a speech given in London on 24 January 1899.

Now I am not about to suggest you should deliberately make mistakes or take huge risks but I can assure you, you will make them at some time. Such is life. One cannot go through life without making many mistakes; it is inevitable. Hopefully they won’t be big and personally costly.

One definition of ‘mistake’ is “an error or fault resulting from defective judgment, deficient knowledge, or carelessness” [source: free internet dictionary]. All of those things – judgment, knowledge, care (or carelessness) – can be controlled. However a misunderstanding may also be a mistake and that may merely be unfortunate.

Most often a mistake is made when something goes wrong without any intent. When someone says or does something wrong without intending to do so.

Quite often you will hear the word used on television during sporting commentary when a cricketer plays a poor shot, a soccer goalie moves the wrong way in a shoot-out, or a hockey player turns the ball over to an opponent. The cricketer didn’t intend to play a poor shot; the goalie meant to move in the right direction and stop the ball; the hockey player intended to retain possession for his or her team. None intended to make a mistake. They were the result of an error in judgment.

No doubt you are well aware of the young singer, Justin Bieber. You might even be a fan. Justin has been in the news a fair number of times for a variety of misdemeanors, usually associated with too much alcohol. He once said, “Of course, I think that people are just waiting for that time when I make a mistake and they’re gonna jump on it …. There’s gonna be haters.”

I am sure he is right about that but why did Justin Bieber talk about “mistakes”? Most people realize when someone has made a mistake and are fairly tolerant and understanding, but not so when that “mistake” could have been avoided by responsible or sensible behavior.

I shall return to the reason Justin used that word inappropriately. First, I want to let you know about when you might possibly hear the word the most and also give some famous examples.

You will sometimes hear a politician use the word “mistake” when referring to his or her action. In fact it is used a little too much. Referring to his actions during an interview the previous day a recent Australian Prime Minister said “Mistakes are always regrettable ….. and I will do my best, having made a mistake yesterday to make none today.” Almost an apology but not quite; more an attempt to say ‘I didn’t mean it, perhaps someone else was at fault’ or ‘it was something beyond my control.’

A more famous example was American President Richard Nixon’s comment after his political party (the Republicans) had been caught acting improperly, indeed unlawfully, in a massive scandal known as the Watergate Affair in 1972.

President Nixon rejected accusations of wrongdoing and said that he had made mistakes. On 9 August 1974 he became the first President to resign his office after it was revealed he had attempted to cover up the break and enter into the Democrat National Committee offices in the Watergate building, Washington DC. Some “mistake”!

Use of the word “mistake” is often designed to create the impression that the person in question did not intend to act the way he or she did. Justin Bieber and President Nixon sought to create the impression they were not at fault. It is almost an attempt to say, “It was out of my control. It was someone else’s responsibility,” or “give me a break, don’t even question my actions.”

Why am I writing to you about mistakes? Firstly, I want you to realise they are part of life’s package and you are not alone when you make them. Mistakes are not extraordinary; you will make many. Expect it.

Secondly, think long and hard about whether you need to acknowledge the mistakes you make and even apologise for them if the circumstances are appropriate. Don’t attempt to hide from the responsibility and you will be forgiven. Most importantly, you have to live with yourself and forgive yourself.

Thirdly, don’t become upset or miserable about your mistakes. Learn from them. Don’t fear them. I expect and hope you will make mistakes because if you don’t you are not achieving anything in your life. You will not be learning. You will not be following your natural instincts for achievement in your life, whether that is to make something, to write, to sing, to play sport, to work, to study, to invest or to make some other momentous decision.

If you have a crack at achieving you will make mistakes. Go for it.

I shall write again soon.

Love always,
Your Popple.

Anton Clever is well into his seventh decade … a former teacher, soldier, farm hand, lawyer and businessman (not in that order). He has travelled extensively for business and for international clients. More recently he has started writing … currently a thriller (which will probably not be worthy of publication, he says) and has written but not published a series of “postcards” from various places (specifically, Victoria, Papua New Guinea, France, Saudi Arabia, Serbia, Iran) referring to experiences in those places. He has also written for several magazines on unusual subjects but matters worthy of debate.