Rejecting $US4.5m

Sorry Mrs Lisa Dillon from Abidjan in the Cote d’Ivoire, despite your greetings sent to me in the name of the LORD Almighty, I cannot accept your offer of USD $4,500,00.00, even though you WISH TO ENTRUST THIS FUND TO (me) FOR CHARITY WORKS.

I am afraid to have to advise you, Mrs Dillon, that there are unscrupulous people in the world who would try to waste people’s time by false offers of such sums. I am sure you are not one of the time-wasters, but a charity recipient has to maintain some minimum standards, which I most certainly do.

As recent similar offers to yours from other African countries have been in the vicinity of $US20m, I have set a bottom limit of $US24m on any such donations I will respond to from now on.

Even then, my accepting such an offer depends on the conditions attached. If I am unable to transfer at least half the funds immediately into a private account – to ensure they are not misappropriated by unscrupulous people in charity work solely for their own personal benefit – I will not be taking up the offer.

I am sure there are people who are less fussy than me, so I have logged your name, email address, and offer with the national police authorities’ cyberspace unit so that anyone who wishes to take up your most kind offer can be assured that it is legitimate.

PS: I have to tell you that this very day I was offered a miniscule $US1.5m, from the FBI of all bodies:

Series of meetings have been held over the past 2 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $1, 500, 000.00 due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your funds which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt.

Mrs. Stella Robert
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535

Mrs Dillon, I ask you, why would the FBI think anyone would respond to them for such a lowly figure as $US1.5m? It’s not even worth the price of a postage stamp to reply directly to them. Perhaps you would like to contact Mrs Robert at the FBI directly, and amalgamate your small offers into a larger sum which may be attractive to some newcomers to the email charity response business?

Nic Offenbacher Nic Off… is the pen name of a well-known Tassie tragic. That is, the writer is a well-known tragic who cannot understand why Tasmania seems to be singled out disproportionately for these extraordinary offers. She blames David Walsh for the uneven odds.