I must write to you to advise you of the stories to date that are floating around Europe about Australia’s new Prime Minister a certain Mr Abbott.
He seems extremely keen to become involved in war.
Rumour has it he was urging everybody to invade Russia and start world war three, now of course he is very keen to join with the Americans in bombing the latest lot of terrorists in the Middle East.
He seems even more macho than Vladimir Putin.
Rumour has it that he spends most of his time in Australia running around in a mankini.
Because everybody knows that they are over-compensating for their inadequacies.
It is so sad what men with small dicks will do to hide their inadequacies.
Abbott’s dick must be even smaller than Putin’s.
There is a rumour here that he is calling himself Action Man Abbott and he is going to have ACM written in front of his mankini to proudly wear on top of his suit like American super-heroes.
Absurd and nasty
He is altogether a thoroughly absurd and nasty creature.
His latest childish imbecility is to threaten that he will attack Putin with a crude football tackle. Abbott had a reputation as a trained thug (boxer) in his student days. It is rumoured that he proposes to solve the conflict in the Ukraine by challenging Putin to a cage fight; thus reducing the T20 Summit to the brawling parliaments of Third World countries. It will be a long time before the T20 Summit returns to Australia
Apparently he started yet another scare campaign in Australia.
Australia seems peculiarly prone to scare campaigns.
A former Prime Minister – a certain Mr Menzies – ran a scare campaign about communists and you had bogeyman under the bed with the Reds.
Mr Menzies was one of those strange people who did not like China and wanted everybody to pretend it did not exist.
Policies seem to have changed a bit since then.
The next bogeyman was the Chinese communists, the yellow peril.
A certain well known paranoid lunatic called B.A. Santamaria was very frightened of the yellow peril especially when the Chinese produced strong broad shouldered swimmers.
He was frightened the Chinese was going to swim to Australia and invade it …
And the latest bogeyman seems to be the paedophile hiding around every corner … and now we have the Islamic terrorists.
I could never live in Australia with all those bogeymen under the bed; there would be nowhere to store the clothes I cannot fit in my wardrobes.
Bogeymen
Just think of all the noise the bogeymen would make under the bed when they argue with each other; poor Australians cannot get any sleep.
One should note of course that Australia has never been subject to any terrorist attack, although recently some poor 18 year old boy was shot down by the police and they alleged he attacked them with a knife.
How could anybody be terrified while an 18 year old boy was armed with nothing more than a knife?
Any terrorist who cannot even find an improvised explosive device is not terribly frightening.
Meanwhile in poor Van Diemen’s Land, mental health seems to have declined even further.
Their current paranoid (and to me, looney!) is called Paul Harris … who does not believe that the problem with the forestry industry was caused by the fact that there were cheaper chips in other places in the world, nor does he seem to be aware of the fact that the largest chipping factory went bankrupt chasing the pulp mill fantasy; now he apparently believes it is all caused by a conspiracy between Gunns and environmentalists and the Forestry Commission.
He seems to believe they conspired to destroy the woodchip industry.
Presumably he believes Gunns deliberately went bankrupt; its chairman enjoyed being charged with insider-trading … together with a conspiracy with the government minister of the time and a couple of wealthy conservationists.
It seems the mental health in Tasmania remains in decline and Mr Barnett and Mr Harris are both candidates for urgent counselling.
Tasmania should take seriously my proposal to put anti-psychotic drugs in the water supply; it should make them all happier and a lot less mad.
*Madelaine Merrimee is known to the editor
