The Great Big Pulp Mill in the Sky

“My informants on the island of Tasmania, (formally and perhaps more appropriately called Van Demons Lands) have told me that the great pulp mill fantasy has resurrected itself on the occasion of an upcoming election for the local parliament.

The cargo cult myths of the natives of Papua New Guinea proved to be very resistant to their repeated failures and the fact that they bore no relationship to reality.

The great Tasmanian pulp mill myth seems to be just as resilient.

Despite the fact that three pulp mills have been removed by multinational companies from Tasmania in recent decades and though nobody can be found to invest in building a pulp mill in Tasmania, I have been informed that Tasmanians have been able to enjoy the farce of the Tasmanian government extending the expired permit for a pulp mill which was never going to be built for a further seven years.

As is well known pulp is more cheaply obtained from Brazil, Indonesian, Vietnam and Thailand, which is why no one wants to invest in a pulp mill in Tasmania, it is not economic.

Both major parties promised to make the pulp mill happen in some mysterious mystical way.

The natives seem to believe that some benevolent multinational company will materialise and build a great big pulp mill and they will all have well-paid jobs.

Such a belief bears absolutely no resemblance to reality.

I have been informed that an enterprising native of New Guinea intends to investigate whether the leaders of the major political parties would be interested in purchasing Bird of Paradise feathers to be worn as a headdress when they indulge in their cargo cultism.

It seems to have been sparked off by the liquidator of Gunns Ltd trying to get a bit more money when flogging off the remaining assets of that bankrupt organisation.

Business bankruptcies seem very fashionable in Tasmania. Many leaders of the local business community and members of the local business organisation TCCI are bankrupt and that organisation itself nearly went bankrupt.

It appears that the delusion is worse in the north of the state.

The persistence of such an absurd delusion by large numbers of people is most unusual and strange.

Unfortunately the natives, like all people who fail to grasp reality, are paying a high price for their delusions. Over $250 million has been wasted on plans and preparation to make the great pulp mill materialise.

If that money had been spent on existing successful enterprises in Tasmania there would be many more jobs and the island which would be wealthier.

The persistence of the delusion makes one contemplate radical measures for its removal.

Many decades ago the prevalence of TB was reduced by mass compulsory x-ray screening, and the dental health of the natives has been improved by compulsory fluoridation.

It seems that the time has arrived where one must contemplate adding antipsychotic drugs to the water supply, one might experiment with Burnie or Smithton where the illness seems to be most prevalent as a means of curing an extraordinary outburst of mass insanity.

*Madeleine Merrimee is a French ethnologist (Not!) She is known to the Editor.

• Tonight: Stop The Pulp Mill: Thursday, March 13, Albert Hall, 6pm