Of Bread and Circuses: Tasmania’s Tourism. Candy and Fea’s horror story

Your Pure Tasmania brand is excellent, says she. Your government is doing a great job. It’s not a government brand, it’s owned by Federal Hotels, says I, who are doing a great job promoting themselves. They have taken over the government’s job for them. They only advertise their own up-market places to the top end of the tourism market. With all that revenue earned from their monopoly on poker machines in this state, it makes it all very economically viable for them, and a great junket for the pollies and top fat cats. Tom Bailey shatters a visitor’s illusion. And, Candy and Fea tell a horror story of their introduction to Tasmania …

Tom Bailey

How often I feel like “Alice/Alisdair” in the Wonderland of Tasmania.

A visitor to our temperate shores asked me over morning tea at Salamanca – I go regularly to watch the bureaucrats emerge from their steel and glass cocoons to graze at the waterholes at noon and dusk (apologies David Attenborough) – and I overhear the most interesting conversations about the office politics of hate and envy. Come on down soap serial writers – have I got fodder for you! But I digress – about how Tasmania functions.

Oh, come in spinner, I thought, but I did control myself.

I dropped a few salient points such as: 54% of the labour force is employed by the State Government. (The look of stunned amazement on our visitor’s face said it all but good manners prevented her from saying too much but she did get in that in other states it was 11%, before she realised I might take that comment as criticism.) She thought she’d choose another point of conversation where she could redeem her faux paux.

Tasmania has just won top prestige tourism awards – top 5 in the country. That says something. Look at Pure Tasmania.

It certainly does, says I.

Your Pure Tasmania brand is excellent, says she. Your government is doing a great job.

It’s not a government brand, it’s owned by Federal Hotels, says I, who are doing a great job promoting themselves. They have taken over the government’s job for them. They only advertise their own up-market places to the top end of the tourism market. With all that revenue earned from their monopoly on poker machines in this state, it makes it all very economically viable for them, and a great junket for the pollies and top fat cats.

Oh, she says, I didn’t know.
(Strike 2, she thinks. One more and I’ll have to buy him lunch!)

You’re not alone, says I.

This state is ruled by big company monopolies who form an oligarchy with various factions of government. The Ancient Greek concept of oligarchy (rule by a few) did have merit and when run with checks and balances, it tended to work.

Along came the Ancient Romans who worked out that rule by a few, and then eventually the fewer the better, was even better; and that ‘bread and circuses’ was the way to control the masses – keep them occupied with free’ish’ food (no such thing as a free lunch even then) and gory, exhilerating entertainment, and they’ll be too busy enjoying themselves with bloodlust to start any insurrection against the “ruler”.

Worked for a while, until Rome was invaded by the ‘barbarians’ (anyone who wasn’t a Roman) who excised Rome’s weak points of corruption and we all know how the story ended – she fell – divided and conquered by greed and human nature. (Does this sound familiar?)

Substitute circuses with football games (the modern politically correct version – at least we don’t demand their deaths for the entertainment of the crowds) but the sexual romps are centuries old and even back then gladiators were celebrities and highly sought out by Roman women as sexual conquests (especially the night before the “Games”). Nothing like equal opportunity. The possibility of death obviously heightens the senses. Life in ancient times was nasty, brutal and short – sounds like the cut and thrust of modern politics.

My visitor was game, I give her that.

How is education here, she asks. (She thinks she’s safe.)

Retention rates from Year 10 on are not too good, says I.

I suppose they go to the mainland?

The bright ones go eventually, I says.

What do the others do?

There’s always welfare – the government drip, says I. There are three generations of families here who have never held a job in their lives. No need as far as they are concerned. They think the world owes them a living and they do have rights, you know!

Jeff Kennett offered a bright idea – work together on tourism for mutual benefit. We should import Victoria’s education system and health system as well. But it would challenge the bureaucrats’ control (the top heavy inverted pyramid), so nothing will ever happen.

Three strikes. I was looking good.

You really are quite mad down here, says she.

More tea?

Candy and Fea

Our Introduction to Tasmania

This is a story about two strangers who accepted job offers to work in one of Tasmania’s treasure tourist destinations. I am an Australian national. My newly found co-worker is from Hong Kong.

We met each other the morning we started work at this venture situated near a Tasmanian tourism treasure.

As an Australian having recently arrived home from a travelling and working holiday around the globe and after a little time off, in the mid of February decided to sent out my CV to various companies around Australia looking for fulltime work in the Hospitality and Tourism industry and Mining Service Providers.

After a few days, I was thrilled to recieve a job trial offer from the tourism treasure manager. I have never been to Tassie before and after having checked the internet about the location, I booked my ticket and was in Hobart in a matter of 24 hours.

I also looked up the treasure venture’s reputation on the tripping site the night prior to flying out and read the scathing comments on the website about my intended new employer. I completely disregarded the comments as normal disgruntled guests behaving badly. I should’ve have taken notice and cancelled my flight.

The day we started was on February 17 2012. It was a Friday. The reception at 0830 hrs at the reception was chaotic. Nobody was paying attention to us for about an hour. We stood around the restaurant and reception sipping horrible coffee waiting for something to happen. Eventually the Manager arrived and we were led up to his office which was a bloody mess with dusty shelves and cluttered whatever covering the whole room. The manager sent us out for a look around the site. After the terrible reception, we were truly excited. The one hour and a half journeying was simply breathtaking. My new found friend Candy from Hong Kong and I were excited and soon forgot all about the bad vibes at reception earlier. Had I been a phsychic however, I would’ve gladly drowned myself and never set foot in the tourism treasure venture.

The girl supposedly to train us, made it known from the beginning that we were not welcome. Her attitude sucked.We asked questions and the replies were one liners. Our supposedly housekeeping office was simply a shack behind the equally awful shack that is the toilet block that was supposedly a facility for backbackers. Our housekeeping office also doubled up as a laundry to wash dirty linen from departing guests. Well, what a mess! There were sheets, towels and dirty greasy tea towels from the kitchen and grotty stained doonas all lying on the dirty floor.

Mind you, when you look around the backyard for miles out here in the bush, it is hard not to see the wildlife shit everywhere. And here we are dodging the black smelly stuff if we could, and here are the linen that goes on the venture’s beds and the towels that guests dry themselvels with on the floor trampled by us because there was no where to dodge the dirty bloody things just to get past or over them to get to the overloaded double sinks that was full of dirty mops and whatever the girl had in them let alone get to the washing machines. The two washing machines were obviously industrial but as the girl explained for a change, we got a good explanation of I quote, ” they cant take too much, so watch them because if you don’t, they will overflow and that is one hell of a mess”. I appraised all the dirty linen on the floor and rolled my eyes to the heavens. By the way the girl added, ” white linen goes in the right hand side washing machine and coloreds goes in the left side washing machine. And one more thing, you only use the four minute cycle or you will never catch up”. How the bloody hell can you wash dirty linen in four bloody minutes? I lamented. The girl rolled her eyes and I picked up straight away that this poor girl is one tired puppy. I asked if she was the only one there. She did’nt have to answer. I knew the answer already.

Our first visit to the toilet blocks were a SHOCK! The one at the bottom was one smelly mess. The one at the top servicing the campers up the top was even worse. My newly found friend Candy had the privilege to clean that one. I got the bottom toilet facility for the backpackers. The girl proclaimed after I passed the message on from the woman on the reception desk that the manager was on the warpath about complaints from campers and backbackers about the two toilet blocks. ” Oh! she said, but I’ve cleaned them”!. Well, if you cleaned them love, they would not be this smelly surely but I thought to myself, you poor girl having to put up with all this by yourself.

Candy and I pretty much decided on this first day that this venture was not for us but decided to give it at least ten days or so. To cut to the chase and not bore your readers with all the drama that ensued for the remaining fifteen days, we basically escaped like prisoners from a gaol, left our room keys in our overpriced accomodation rooms, hitched a ride late Friday evening March 2 2012 back to Hobart and forget that the venture ever existed in our lives.

Apparently, Candy and I lasted a bit more days than most of the poor suckers including overseas students who jumped at the chance to work near one of Tassie’s Tourist Treasures. What a god awful shame that our enthusiasm and our hopes and expectations were badly let down by the Venture from Hell! However, we are determined not to let this experience stop us from seeking work and to explore beautiful Tasmania.

Four days since our escape, Candy and I are recuperating at a Transit Backpacker in Hobart, sending out CV’s and snorkelling the internet for any crumbs of job opportunities that maybe available in beautiful Tasmania. Are there any companies out there in Tassie who would like to hire a couple of adventurous hard working girls? Well, we can scrub floors and clean toilets, clean houses and Room Attending in Hotels. We can cook. Candy is a whirl in Cantonese cooking and I am quite proficient in Aussie style cooking and diverse styles from Arabic to Vietnamese. We can even do farm work. So how about it Tasmania, give Candy and Fea a go.

Write to editor@oldtt.pixelkey.biz and info will be passed to Candy And Fea