Tackle the fundamental problem

A response to: Marriage equality is not the main issue, by Tim Neal, HERE

Like Tim Neal I am frustrated that issues like lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) youth suicide are swept under the carpet.

But the problem is not, as Tim says, the profile of the same-sex marriage debate.

The problem is the refusal of the authorities to tackle the problem at its root.

An excellent example is the Tasmanian Education Department. It knows that homophobic prejudice drives same-sex attracted youth to drugs, self-harm and suicide. It knows that homophobic prejudice is the single greatest impediment to all boys reaching their academic potential.

In response it has adopted some great new policies challenging homophobia. But it refuses to roll out the kind of programs which have been proven to reduce class-room prejudice. Until it does this, it has the blood of gay kids on its hands.

As for marriage equality, Tim under-estimates the very real impact this reform will have on reducing LGBT youth suicide.

Paul Martin is principal psychologist at Centre of Human Potential in Brisbane. During a recent visit to Parliament House Paul spoke about the link between marriage equality and gay mental health. This is part of what he said.

Studies from North America and Europe have shown that feelings of well-being, security and acceptance among same-sex attracted people and their family members increases dramatically when same-sex couples have the choice to marry.

This is for two reasons.

First, some of the most negative messages internalised by same-sex attracted people are about the instability and worthlessness of same-sex relationships.

Second, marriage, with its emphasis on care, commitment and fidelity, continues to define the meaning of love and relationships in our society.

The government couldn’t have found a better way to re-inforce the very worse stereotypes about gay and lesbian people than to exclude them from marriage.

I can best illustrate the link through describing a teenage client I recently had. Unfortunately, his case is similar to many others.

The client came in to see me with his mother. She was very distressed, speaking of how she found him just in time to save him from an overdose which could have killed him.

This intelligent, creative and caring teenager was much loved by his family and friends, and had his whole life ahead of him. I asked him why?

He said the worst words to be called at his school yard were ‘fag’ or ‘poof’, his pastor said “they” won’t be welcome in Heaven, and his father said, ‘all poofters should be taken to an island and shot’.

But what hurt him most was what people said about gay relationships: that they don’t work and that all gays are just interested in sex.

“For me, being gay was the worst thing in the world”, he said.

“A little while back, I finally got the guts to come out. My friends and family were surprisingly ok and I started feeling some hope. Then one night I saw our Prime Minster, the head of our country, saying that marriage is only for a man and woman. I suddenly felt that everything people had said about gay relationships is true. I always dreamed of being with someone for all of my life, so I thought… ‘What’s the point?’”

He wasn’t blaming anyone else for his actions, but his story clearly demonstrates how easily discriminatory laws and the leaders who defend these laws exacerbate psychological damage and confirm internalized homophobic beliefs.

When our leaders allow same sex couples to marry, this will send out the most powerful message possible that same-sex relationships are just as valid and valuable as heterosexual ones.

Equality in marriage for all Australians will improve the psychological wellbeing of many thousands of Australians.

Rodney Croome is Campaign Co-ordinator for the Tasmanian Gay and Lesbian Rights Group.