Floor mops and the appalling Akerman

“Sail fast, close to the wind but always under your own flag.” (Origin Unknown).

I am told my voice is familiar to many listeners to ABC (Really Useful) Radio 936 in Hobart and for a time I wrote to The Mercury and even managed to get a letter into The Australian. But when people don’t want to hear what you have to say, that’s the time to pack it in and find a life. I am constrained by physical problems and don’t get around much anymore so I am engaged in writing for overseas journals on specialist topics and at present I am concerned that we are producing a generation of kids who would prefer to communicate by SMS or mobile phone and have their own cryptic language and my other project is a modest political history.

There was no way that I would be drawn into the Tasmanian political scene although I chat occasionally to some regular TT writers. To coin a phrase from a younger generation: “I am so over politics” or at least I was… until the end of last week. For over 35 years I had either been a member or adherent of the ALP and have been an office holder in a local branch until the behaviour of some members drove me out, never to return. In a way, they did me a good turn and while I support the current federal government and my local member Julie Collins, my interest has waned with the years until some obnoxious people from a young wannabe’s electoral office tried to rope me in for assistance during the current campaign. No less than five people at one stage or another telephoned, usually when I was busy with memoirs of a dissolute adult; research or having a nap – the one advantage conferred by getting old.

I read Crusty’s comments HEREwith some amusement for he is tilting at windmills, trying to convert people to civic-mindedness and common decency, both of which have evaporated like ground mist on a hot day. Admirably, I think, he is lobbying hard for us old farts to get behind Ross Butler, the thinking man’s member for Franklin, who is being cold-shouldered by Labor House in favour of someone’s brother. I like the sister and hope she is returned and until last week, I had steadfastly refused to watch TV advertising and suffered a sudden loss of hearing when a politician spruiked on the radio. I haven’t heard or seen much of Ross Butler but Nick McKim, the man who has the qualities to be Premier (and therefore, will never get the job) and Cassy O’Connor (be still my beating heart) are well worth reengaging the Mk.1 aural equipment, often known as ears.

The Mercury is a sad sack of a newspaper: there is so much advertising and catering for the young that 90% of its content passes me by completely. Of the reporters, Sue Neales leads the field by a long way but young Michael Stedman and a couple of the others aren’t bad. It’s the columnists that get me – if I couldn’t write better and more substantial material, and then it’s time for Vaucluse Gardens or the knackers’ yard. Piers Ackerman is about the worst and although he did a puff piece last week, extolling the virtues of Tasmania, I wouldn’t like to be in his company until I was sure my rabies shot was up-to-date. Why do we have to put up with Sydno-centric hogwash from the glassy-eyed ideologues of feral right (not an original) who with sneering condescension make Monday morning’s light reading, vomit inducing? I don’t always agree with Brother Barns but at least he’s worth the effort. Over at the Oz, Matt Denholm gets an occasional look-in and is very promising but invariably, I am drawn back to the pages of Tasmanian Times.

Without doubt, the high standard of writing by many regulars has been maintained and they have reflected the political situation in our lovely State far better that I could ever manage. Their eloquence has saddened me at times and indisputably played a part in my disenchantment with the local political scene. The reduction in the number of members in the Legislative Assembly was a sickening and clueless move, grounded in short-term expediency – to wipe out the Greens – and without a single ounce (“I’m not metrificated as an old now dead Aussie Rules player turned commentator once famously said) of thought or foresight given to outcomes.

It was totally predictable that such a small Legislative Assembly could not function effectively for a government in that:

(1) The margin for error was too small, especially with the dearth of talent available, which left a backbench too small to be restless and critical enough to keep the leadership group on its toes and have active reserves.

(2) The impact of the reduced size became an increasingly crippling burden, despite a basically ineffective Opposition and that was before resignation and scandals in sickening abundance.

(3) It effectively delivered more power into the hands of the army of faceless ancillary personnel employed to “assist” government, whether they are categorized as advisers, spin doctors or public servants. And having been proud to be a public servant myself, there would have been greater problems with government without the professionals in the Tasmanian Public Service.

(4) Those for whom I reserve the greatest contempt can be seen as the grey, anonymous, faceless and powerful army of the incompetent and political mates – by their deeds you know them but not their names.

(5) It has been more than an urban myth that shadowy figures with vested interests pull the strings of government irrespective of which party is in power. How many of the new staff infiltrated the workings of government remains to be seen. This “shadow power” manifests itself in decisions made and the minister finding out later. Given the Lilliputian size of the House of Assembly, it made good sense to put ministers in the Legislative Council and although they are available to be questioned, the Legislative Council itself might be considered a house of review but not in the same way as the Australian Senate. I supported the presence of ministers in the upper house but only as a stopgap means until the Assembly could be expanded to its former size. And having said that, I believe Lin Thorp to be one of the better government ministers. She would have been much better running in Lyons or Franklin.

I firmly believe there needs to be a proper enquiry into numbers and functions, conducted by an impartial person from interstate. I realise this is a heretical statement but as events in courtrooms have shown, it is impossible to find the impartiality required within Tasmania. Even if I offered my services, and I have some claim to being strictly non-partisan when working, I would not be able to handle the job. I am too old and tired – a young fresh man with relevant experience is required. I can’t offer candidates but when it comes to the financial side, surely Saul Eslake would be a great asset to a presiding judge. It is important for the future of the State for the wasp’s nest to be smoked out and all the hidden links to those in power identified and dealt with as appropriate.

For days I have sat brooding about the situation and decided finally with some prodding from one of my friends that I should write an article for Tasmanian Times. Using what the Cambridge Idioms Dictionary, 2nd ed. (Copyright © Cambridge University Press 2006) politely describes as ‘taboo American’ and possibly Irish in origin: “It’s time to piss or get off the pot.” If it was good enough for Harry Truman and LBJ, then it’s good enough for me!

Much as I love this state, the air is always rife with rumour and innuendo. To their credit, most mainstream journalists ignore the sleaze until it spills into the public arena and then, they have to craft their words with care. The striking feature of this campaign and for the past few years has been the way words like government ineptitude, corruption and jobs for the boys (and girls) have been tossed around by politicians themselves. Mechanisms exist to audit the finances of parliamentarians but given where the locus of decision-making really lies, suspicions are bound to be rampant. Is it necessary to audit the unaccountable? I believe it to be so and at present there is no way the yet to be officially sanctioned standing committee looking at Ministerial conduct and ethics should ever be extended. So the shadow power is unaccountable to Parliament or the Public Service Board, which appears to be quite toothless, especially when the sclerotic bureaucracy of the Departments of Health and Education are laid bare.

Finally, what moved me to strike out and call for every voter to use their heads this time and select worthwhile politicians, persons of honesty and integrity? That the election campaign had been up and running since the departure of Paul Lennon and the ascension to power of David Bartlett was abundantly clear, even in my cloistered circles. The honeymoon period – those legendary first hundred days – where the young tyro tried to distance himself as much as possible from his predecessor and the whiffs of scandal. It made good press to see three young, albeit all male political leaders being initially reasonable with one another only to watch the spectacle of the exchanges between the Liberal and Labor leaders descend into the political equivalent of my primary school experience of watching the kids to see who could urinate highest against the wall.

It was and has continued to be a most unedifying business and since we knew the final line-up, Premier Bartlett and Opposition leader Hodgman have run a campaign for majority government, claiming disingenuously but only their party could form the basis of stable government. Pardon me? What’s been going on for the past 10 or 12 years? Stable government? I see, a definitional problem and then it happened and ignited my fuse. Some referred to it as the reappearance of dinosaurs when the four very undistinguished former Premiers crawled into the daylight to hammer home this claim and bag the Greens and smear Nick McKim, who has managed to show considerable poise and sang froid throughout, while no doubt simmering within. It gives dinosaurs a very bad rap. What precisely had Field Gray, Rundle and Lennon achieved apart from dragging politics into further disrepute and then claim they had stability. Name your achievements gentlemen and remind even the most simple-minded that empty vessels make the loudest noise. I feel alternately soiled and betrayed by successive governments and MPs and I don’t like it one iota.

The ultimate humiliation of seeing the Bartlett/Hodgman TV debate was enough to make anyone puke. The ritual prodding of each other and the way they would spend Monopoly money was ludicrous but it got dirty and personal when they tipped the bucket over the Greens leader in absentia. It takes real courage to do that but both of them must have known had he been there, they would have been floor mops. On the same level of pulchritude has been the money splashed about on advertising by the parties and individual candidates. Last week I heard Lisa Singh say publicly that candidates could not buy their way into Parliament. On Saturday night when the numbers start to appear, we will see where the money has gone and what its effect will be. To hear that Son of Jim is more popular than the Premier will be put to the test but what of the ubiquitous presence of young and inexperienced newcomers from both major parties in the media in all forms and without trying, the names of Bacon, Groom, Archer, and Petrusma pop into mind. It doesn’t cut much ice with me I’m afraid but I rather hope the audacious young Ms “Polly Waffle”, Bec White serves it up to the shellbacks in Lyons.

So there it is, I am totally against this immoral, amoral and breathtakingly contemptuous display of dragging the system through the mud. Is it any wonder that that successive polls show that roughly 1/4 of the population is undecided at the commencement of the last week of the election campaign? I have always maintained that most people know how they will vote up to 18 months before an election, although the State is harder to read than the Federal scene. It makes for fascinating possibilities but how can we have a hung parliament, the oxymoron that dangles from the lips of those who can’t recognize the problems? Given the way the policies of the major parties have played out, there’s the basis of a coalition or “gentleman’s agreement.” if only that’s what they are for I have lost respect for both and some of their hangers-on. Whenever you think pollies have plumbed new depths in public behaviour, the next few days will take us closer to the Marianas Trench, metaphorically speaking. Have fun voting but please engage your brains before using the pencil.

Mark: HERE