Pre-dinner and in-the-sun refresher
NV Champagne or Tasmanian sparkler, low-alcohol moscato or an Italian prosecco.
Jamon, anchovy and olive tapas and antipasti
Spanish fino or manzanilla sherry served ice-cold and freshly opened.
Fresh oysters and prawns
A good fizz, a young dry Tasmanian or Clare Valley riesling, an Italian pinot grigio or Clarence House’s pinot blanco.
Mr Phillips contributed to the first edition of Tasmanian Times, in October 2002 …
Pizzles* for Peace…
By GRAEME PHILLIPS
Denmark, I am told, has a very effective defence policy. Belligerents phoning up to declare war are greeted with the simple recorded message “We surrender”.
Very enlightened.
Too enlightened perhaps for a country like Australia with its proud Anzac tradition, a nation whose reputation for peace has been forged in the fiery crucible of every major and minor battlefield of the 20th and 21st Centuries.
Instead, let me suggest an alternative. Replace our present defence and foreign policies with venison pizzles.
Adopt a policy of pizzles for peace. Enact legislation declaring the fare to advance Australia be venison pizzles – compulsorily consumed by every Australian on our national day as a powerful message of deterrence to friends and foes alike.
Instead of the triumphantlist crowing of our kow-towing Prime Minister, and a fishnet-stockinged Foreign Minister dancing to their tune, the message in such a policy to the Bobiches and Dubyas of America would be “Don’t beat round the Bush with us mate. Here, we don’t just cut ‘em off – baby, we eat ‘em!”
That should give them pause for thought – make them think twice before they next ban our lamb. Or automatically count on us in the countdown to their next military mis-adventure.
And an annual feast of venison pizzles would be a hell of a lot cheaper than a few Collins subs and replacements for our crashing F111’s and Blackhawk choppers.
In Asia, powdered venison pizzle is regarded as such an efficacious and powerful virility and strength tonic they measure the annual dose by the teaspoon.
Imagine the deterrent message if, looking south, they saw every man, woman and child in the country, all 19 million of us, eating a whole one.
Nothing more would be needed to make the Indonesian jihadists quickly revise their plans of Uluru for Allah.
And, for their Islamic brothers elsewhere, the message would be interpreted as a diplomatic suggestion that, to the Koran’s teaching of ‘an eye for an eye; a tooth for a tooth’ should be added ‘a prick for a prick” – you give us Bin Laden, we’ll give you Howard; you give us Saddam, we’ll give you George W.
Pizzles for Peace – Recipe.
Lightly brown one pizzle* per person in butter and simmer gently in a rich venison stock, over low heat, for three days – or until tender. Serve with steamed warrigal greens and eat with your fingers, as you would a spear of asparagus.
Pizzle — Vulgar. 1523. Flem. The penis of an animal; often that of a bull, used as a flogging instrument. (Shorter Oxford)
HERE: The recipe on The original Tasmanian Times (still maturing in fine oak)
