Aristides leaves

Aristides

Given my previous effort, it had not been my intention to write another article for Tasmanian Times but when you trip over the editor and are asked to make another contribution, the least you can do is listen. There are only 24 hours in a day and I have a great deal to do but the tyranny of work should not preclude observations on the local scene. So I made the decision to comment on recent happenings without necessarily plagiarizing the work of others.

First up, I have been on the mainland learning more about the bastardry of bureaucracy. How many people in Tasmania I wonder, seriously believe that when we got rid of John Howard, certain government departments and instrumentalities would change for the better. We were told to expect something kinder, more caring and all usual waffle the politicians throw at the gullible electorate. (Gee that sounds familiar!) I can’t claim to have been a true believer but I didn’t think we could get any worse. I don’t for one moment imagine that we will see a repeat of the SIEV IV or the Tampa affairs but I can’t help asking myself and therefore readers why this government is still procrastinating about the young Buddhist lad, with the improbable name who wants to stay in Australia, while at the same time refusing to deport preachers of hate and supporters of terrorism. As a devoted fan of the BBC TV series “Yes, Minister” and “Yes, Prime Minister” said recently, it appears to be obvious that as Sir Humphrey said to Bernard: “Governments come and governments go but the civil service goes on.” I don’t have a copy of the transcripts and perhaps the words “for ever” were attached to that phrase above.
Aristides leaves

GIVEN my previous effort, it had not been my intention to write another article for Tasmanian Times but when you trip over the editor and are asked to make another contribution, the least you can do is listen. There are only 24 hours in a day and I have a great deal to do but the tyranny of work should not preclude observations on the local scene. So I made the decision to comment on recent happenings without necessarily plagiarizing the work of others.

First up, I have been on the mainland learning more about the bastardry of bureaucracy. How many people in Tasmania I wonder, seriously believe that when we got rid of John Howard, certain government departments and instrumentalities would change for the better. We were told to expect something kinder, more caring and all usual waffle the politicians throw at the gullible electorate. (Gee that sounds familiar!) I can’t claim to have been a true believer but I didn’t think we could get any worse. I don’t for one moment imagine that we will see a repeat of the SIEV IV or the Tampa affairs but I can’t help asking myself and therefore readers why this government is still procrastinating about the young Buddhist lad, with the improbable name who wants to stay in Australia, while at the same time refusing to deport preachers of hate and supporters of terrorism. As a devoted fan of the BBC TV series “Yes, Minister” and “Yes, Prime Minister” said recently, it appears to be obvious that as Sir Humphrey said to Bernard: “Governments come and governments go but the civil service goes on.” I don’t have a copy of the transcripts and perhaps the words “for ever” were attached to that phrase above.

We all know that Kevin Rudd inherited a basically sound economy – after all, Peter Costello told us so and who are we to question him? Of course, the upward trend of interest rates before the election is not mentioned and at present, the multimillionaire who leads the Liberal Party is doing his best to keep the feather duster in the cupboard and portray himself as being more economically responsible. In the light of recent opinion poll results, he’s living on borrowed time and Costello expects to be called from the wilderness, whereupon everyone will pretend that a new messiah has arisen. Personally I feel that would be a disaster because there is a great deal to commend the view that Howard condemned us to Brutopia and it couldn’t have been done without “the smirk,” who, by my estimation is unelectable, as an alternative Prime Minister. No doubt they’ll choose between Tony Abbott, the mad Monk and the increasingly pompous poltroon Joe Hockey as a deputy. Personally, I would like to see an Abbott and Costello team and have them thrashed at the next election because it doesn’t seem quite right to me that the ALP government has been caught by an international phenomenon and we appear locked in a maze with no direct route out and no helicopter overhead. At least Turnbull can live off his millions which is more than most of us can do.

Like many people I spoke to in Canberra, I would’ve had more faith in the Rudd government if it had dismantled some of the more odious functions and managerial philosophies of Centrelink, Comcare and other agencies that deal with the unemployed or the sick. I’ve met far too many people to believe that there has been any change in organizational culture. The mindset of these bastards is set in concrete and in the final analysis, while the least fortunate benefited from government handouts, these will be and are being recouped by clampdowns on spending in just about any area you care to mention. The irony, if you can call it that, is that Centrelink is employing more staff but I don’t know what good they’ll be and my friends in the charity sector tell me that times are really hard. They are always hard for some people but the lists are getting longer and I would like someone to explain what we pay taxes for if we cannot provide the basics. I don’t have a great deal of sympathy for those engaged in conspicuous consumption or deliberately wasting money but that doesn’t explain all the extra cases that the Salvation Army, Anglicare, St. Vinnie’s and others in the front-line are experiencing at present and no one really knows what it’s like until they face the awful reality of being unemployed and facing a heavy mortgage.

In my first article, I was somewhat less than generous in my comments about the Mercury. It came as quite a shock on the mainland to take a look at their state newspapers. The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald are mirror images of each other, although some latitude is given in the form of a license to be farcical about the old Sydney-Melbourne rivalry but it lacks the punch of the past. Their pages are replete with rubbish and certainly not worth the price. The Australian wallows along still carrying the flag for John Howard and I have to read the blasted thing to keep up with national news although the Internet is fast filling the bill. The Canberra Times is a bloody awful newspaper.

Therefore, I consider myself chastened with respect to the Mercury. It does a pretty good job of covering state-wide issues, even though some days of the week, especially Tuesday and Thursday, those issues have far too much trivia and ephemeral material at a time when serious subjects should be discussed. While I’m at it, eating humble pie and washing it down with brackish tap water, I should have noted that Sue Neales picked up a number of journalistic awards quite recently. These were well-deserved and if she ever feels persecuted, she should cling to the thought that the measure of a person is the quality of their enemies. A couple of old sweats, now retired, reckon she’s turned the Mercury into a newspaper with which to be reckoned. I’m not sure I can go that far: I’ve seen and read too much in the British and American media to get carried away with local adulation. But credit where credit is due is entirely appropriate. I did not intend to cause offence because if I had done, no one would’ve been left in any doubt.

From what I can gather, and the new Parliament House there is room for 35 members. It would be a hard sell to expand the numbers before the next election but overdue if it came with a promise to dispose of the Legion of the Unaccountable – the spin doctors, political advisors and other parasites paid for by government to publicize its works and generally make it look good, which it most certainly isn’t. It is now patently obvious that an election is less than a year away and the gloves are off. Pre-selections are being announced and in the case of the Labor Party, from what I’ve seen and read, it’ll be the same old hacks under the saddle cloths. The Liberals will of course elect Vanessa Goodwin in Franklin because they know good thing when they see it. Contrast that with sad sack Daniel Hulme – a boy on a man’s errand. Thanks to the Mercury, we now know that the Greens also have factions. I can recall when they were called watermelons: green on the outside and red on the inside but it appears that the main distinctions today are between pragmatics such as Nick McKim who has the look of a genuine politician and some I could mention who remind me of the halcyon days of the ALP, where principle took precedence over gaining office. The Greens lack flexibility but I don’t think they’ve lost anything by seeing the back of Andrew Wilkie. He has as many tickets on himself as a certain Mercury opinion writer and I’d better not say any more lest the editor gets slapped with legal writs.

In a company with which I’m familiar, we regularly conducted critical path analyses on programs and outcomes. When we found some real stinkers masquerading as failures, we often wondered whatever could be done to remedy will rectify the system. A friend put it quite bluntly: “Given the choice between conspiracy and a cock-up, I put my money on the latter.” And so it will be when it comes to choosing candidates for the forthcoming election. Until I see all the lists of nominated candidates and the final selections, I’ll choose to hold my fire but I have a horrible feeling that it is a lay down misere that the likes of Bryan Green, Steve Kons and their analogs on the opposition benches will be renominating. If that’s the case, I would then be placing some money with the appropriate bookmaker on them being returned. I can see it now – a hung Parliament and blood and gore everywhere as they try to negotiate to gain power. Irrespective of the outcome, Vanessa Goodwin will be the first Liberal Premier of the State: in 2014 or earlier. I think it would be a good idea to have a large community barbecue on the laws of Parliament House while they wheel and deal. Surely meat, sausages and some bread could be donated by an enterprise with an eye for good publicity. And if the weather is cold, distinctly possible in April as we now know, roast chestnuts would be grand. We could make it a once in four year celebration of the people having their say twice.

The argy-bargy of squabbling for government should make for wonderful entertainment because our Premier, often touted as having a great deal of foresight and a commitment to being clever, kind and connected or something similar, has been behaving like a jackass of late. Other people have commented on those who are in his inner circle and advise him. Some with an agricultural name should be retired to pasture. I can’t claim to know any of them personally and I don’t want to but there’s a couple I would remove promptly if the ALP wants to go forward rather than remain stuck in reverse gear. On the Liberal side, it’s natural enough also for young Will to flex his muscles and declare he’s going for majority government. I have news for both of them: we will get a hung Parliament and deals will have to be made. There are coalition governments in many forms around the world and they are effective. The Tasmanian experience is particularly sad because it involved small men with big egos. And the egos were rather brittle and a certain former Labor Premier who appropriately lives in a little paddock dreaming of his place in history must take most of the responsibility; something he is remarkably loath to do, although several of his parliamentary colleagues emerged with no credit whatsoever. The blame was not all on one side – Bob Brown could give master classes in intransigence and Christine Milne was cut from the same cloth. I can’t stand fanatics of any stripe and some of the Greens are a class of their own. They possess what a dear deceased friend of mine used to refer to as an idée fixe and it doesn’t matter how many facts you hit them over the head with, nothing will change their mindset. It is so depressing and reminiscent of the problems I mentioned with the Australian public service above.

In the interests of the KISS principle, I will finish with the exciting news that opinion polls show that there is overwhelming support for redeveloping the Royal Hobart Hospital on its present site. Were these polls really necessary to discover what is blindingly obvious? Hobart must remain as a working port and if the global warming fanatics have it half right, a hospital on the waterfront would need to be waterproof and what’s more, by locating it down there they would be drumming up trade with the southern migration of Ross River fever. If it reached Richmond in Sorell last year as some doctors have said, Ross River fever promises to be a real delight in the near future. It takes me back to my days in the tropics and the various fevers you get to a great for lesser extent. Although there are cures for malaria, I met one man who defied all treatment and in the end, it killed him.

With any luck, this will be my last column but as I don’t expect the editor to regard my effort with any degree of equanimity. On the other hand, I’ve quite enjoyed having a quiet rave. I would like to finish with a shot at a Tasmanian institution. The ABC’s morning show with Tim Cox is going from bad to worse. Jumping kangaroos, it’s enough to make you shoot through, and try your hand culling garden gnomes up North. The so-called experts, with the exception of Richard Herr don’t fit the description and why he bothers with the cranks from Crikey.com is beyond me. It so happens that I know some of them and to say that they are marginally sane is to pay them a great compliment. And some of the local musicians that appear on the show deserved to be supported, as the rope supports a hanging man. The afternoon show is a disgrace and an insult to the intelligence and while Louise is tolerable, Ms. Warburton grates and provides a lead-in for one of the biggest blowhards in Australia, the one and only Tony Delboy, a man who should not bother to have guests because he knows all the answers. Thank God for ABC FM.

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OPTIONAL ENDING Aristides was just and recorded history doesn’t show that he descended to the personal or suffered hubris. I appear to have picked up both bad habits and that is a good reason to retire. I have not done his name great credit. My best wishes to you all and let’s work to make Tasmania great.

Aristides