Opportunity knocks

Barnaby Drake
‘On Tuesday the High Court ruled that MIS investments covering farming and similar activities were not a ‘business’ and therefore fell under the MIS tax-exemption scheme. The tax office is not challenging this judgement.’

Company Announcement.

Following our victory in the High Court, the directors of Southern Cross Australian Management Schemes has pleasure in drawing your attention to three new tax-free investment opportunities.

A special glossy brochure detailing these wonderful linked schemes is already in the post to you, and this will be followed by an extensive advertising campaign. This is a truly win-win situation for all investors and has the blessing of our current government. In times of depression, to use the forbidden word, these schemes will see that shrewd investors have a means to hedge their money, dare we say it, at government and public expense. Don’t delay, invest now.

Scheme 1. Managed fertiliser investment scheme. (Organic and chemical)

Our experts have identified this as an essential scheme for the ongoing economy. People need food, and farmers need fertiliser to grow it. What could be more natural than to supply this need? We have renamed our industrial fertiliser factory from Montasmo to ‘National Farming Supplies Limited’ to give it a greener tinge. We are expecting large subsidies for this operation from the Environment Minister, as well as all the normal tax-breaks. You can buy into the input and output of this scheme, but shares do not cover the factory itself. That remains the property of the parent company. Input consists of by-products of the coal industry and farm waste, so while we own the hardware, you get to own all the toxic waste and bullshit.

Scheme 2. Farming investment scheme.

Here again, your investment (tax-free) will allow us to buy up farms in many areas of the country. The prime output will be in the form of cattle, dairy produce and vegetables. (Remember, vegetables classify as a biological ‘carbon sink’. These carbon rich plants can be sold as credits to the coal industry to offset our purchase of toxic chemicals.) However, this does not impinge on the market value of the plants themselves, and in the future, as trade declines with China, we foresee the development of a profitable captive home market, with, of course, all the attendant GST and tax-free subsidies.
On the cattle front, there are three forms of output, they being beef, milk and organic waste, which feed directly into our closed-loop investment schemes. The cattle, while alive, belong to, and are under the control of the company.

Scheme 3. Dairy products.

Our support team has identified several opportunities in this field. As the input for this scheme is the direct output from the previous scheme, profits can be maximised. As there is no necessity to identify the alignment of these individual schemes, they all carry their own separate tax-free subsidies, and a range of industrial development grants are available for setting up these companies. While the rest of the economy suffers, we thrive. Again, it is the output that concerns the investors and this comes in two forms: – ‘Organic’ which feeds on the bullshit and commands the higher price, and ‘Home Brand’ which covers the remainder. As initial investors in this project, the ‘cream’ will come to you.

These schemes have impeccable in-house references, sourced form foreign aligned companies, mostly Swedish. As you will see by our glossy brochures and the green ‘Facts’ pamphlet, the entirety is absolutely safe, and we have been extensively advised on the profitability and some creative accounting methods by certain (ex) Directors of ENRON. It is backed by all Government departments at all levels and they remain indebted to us and have guaranteed maximum fiscal support and fast-track legislation where required. This guarantees that your money is a safe as houses, so INVEST!

Signed on behalf of the Board of S.C.A.M.S.,

Ponzi, Scaife and Bond – Directors.

Cheers

Barnaby Drake

And
Australian Government to drive family farmers off the land for tree plantations

From: ausgrass Date: 21.12.2008 07:46 PM

http://www.agmates.com/blog/2008/12/06/is-australia-the-stupidest-nation-on-earth/

Over the next 40 years Australia will convert a staggering 84 million acres of productive food producing agricultural land into tree plantations to fight climate change. That’s over 6,000 acres a day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year, every year for the next 40 years.

That’s the result of the ‘carbon sink’ legislation that the Labor government with the backing of the Liberal party passed into legislation in the Federal Parliament this week.

In the face of Global Food shortages this policy is at best stupidity, at worse it’s a crime against humanity.

If Malcolm Turnbull’s Liberal party had not supported Labor this legislation would not have passed as it was opposed by the Nationals, The Australian Greens, Family First Senator Steve Fielding and Independent Senator Nick Xenophon.

Rural & Regional Australia holds Malcolm Turnbull personally responsible for this appalling outcome. He had the numbers to stop it, but chose not to. We won’t forget that come the next election. Liberal or Labor have consistently demonstrated that they care nothing for the people who live outside of the Australian capital cities.

TURNING tens of millions of hectares of prime agricultural land into carbon sink forests to fight climate change would dramatically increase food costs, destroy rural communities and take substantial amounts of water out of Australian river systems.

The ‘carbon sink’ legislation just demonstrates that both the major political party’s, Labor and Liberal only govern Australia for those that live in the Capital cities.It is only the minor parties, The Nationals, The Greens, Family First and the independent Nick Xenophon who stand up for rural and regional Australians.

Head of the Australian Farm Institute Mick Keogh [pictured] said:

By altering land use patterns and locking up millions of hectares in carbon sinks, rural Australia is being made the “sacrificial lamb” for Kevin Rudd’s emissions trading system.

“The resulting reduction in farm output would have a significant impact on food prices, as well as major socio-economic impacts. This is the dark underside of the glossy and optimistic conclusions about the potential costs of an ETS.”

The National Party Senate leader Barnaby Joyce [pictured below] who defied Liberal Leader Malcolm Turnbull to lead his Senate team across the floor to vote against the legislation said:

The law was “completely mad – akin to an art movie. You don’t know whether to be shocked or to laugh. It is outrageous when the major threat to rural communities is not the international economy but domestic tax policy”.

The Australian Greens also voted against the Bill. Tasmanian Senator Christine Milne [pictured] said:

the Prime Minister must explain to the people of regional Australia “why he is determined to drive them off the land and further undermine the viability of their communities with another tax rort for plantations dressed up as climate change policy”.

Gippsland Farmer Robert Belcher, chairman of Sustainable Agricultural Communities Australia [pictured below] said :

“As soon as you take a farm, you take a family, you take kids out of school, money out of the local community,” he said.

“We have had to work really hard to get the average punter to realise he’s been dudded.”