2006 hopes and aspirations

FIRST, the arts. I want another Clint Eastwood film, hopefully this year. As a friend of mine has observed, Eastwood’s first film was brilliant and each subsequent film has been an improvement on the previous one. Million Dollar Baby was a great film by any measure.

I hope that more people will read the stories of Tobias Wolff, my literary discovery of 2005, thanks to Clive Tilsley and Chris Pearce — the former for recommending Wolff and the latter for tracking down all of Wolff’s currently available offerings. A very fine writer. I must also get around to reading Shirley Hazzard’s The Transit of Venus which still sits unread next to my bed, along with a few other hitherto unread tomes.

And for the umpteenth successive year I shall look forward with greatly bruised optimism to some improvement in the quality of Australian book reviews in the so-called quality press. There are two or three very good reviewers but most of the rest are very ordinary. If they have read the book concerned — which is by no means certain in many cases — then they have not understood it. Instead of telling us about the book and what they think of it, too many reviewers spend too much time massaging their egos and wandering off into esoteric sermons. Sadly however, there seems to be no-one out there sufficiently brave to take on, in Tennyson’s words, the “… chorus of indolent reviewers.”

I must also retrieve from my eldest daughter my treasured boxed set of Anthony Powell’s A Dance to the Music of Time, one of the great books of the last century. I have pleaded with her for some years now but to no avail. Like her father before her, she has fallen for the so-called “English Proust” and won’t release him, notwithstanding that I recently passed on to her, unconditionally, my copy of Allan Bennett’s most recent collection. There are times when daughters can be very dismissive of their fathers but, in this instance at least, her cause is a good one!

As for politics, I don’t much care who wins the Tasmanian election because the result is unlikely to make much difference in terms of whither this beautiful island. Both major political parties have already been busy urging the voters not to support the Greens, a tactic which I believe to be tactically inept and psychologically maladroit. I think people prefer to be invited to vote “for” a party or person and told why this is considered desirable. The vast majority of voters are far from stupid and they can work out who they want rather than be told by some “suit” whose principal preoccupation is the size of his or her superannuation pay-out.

The possibility of a hung parliament is very real

There is no doubt that the possibility of a hung parliament is very real but why is it that everyone seems to assume that, in such an event, the Greens would hold the balance of power? Just because it has been ever thus? For my part, a coalition government involving Labor and the Liberal Party would be infinitely more rational, possibly more likely to endure and more likely to yield positive outcomes. Such an accommodation could be either by way of a formal coalition — including a sharing of portfolios — or a simple pledge by the junior partner not to walk away from the pact unless circumstances of corruption, gross maladministration etc. should arise. After all, there is virtually no difference between Labor and the Liberals in philosophical, policy, strategic or other respects. Moreover, the notion of going back to the people as quickly as possible is as good as thumbing the nose at the electorate, with a two fingered salute as an encore. The parties and politicians individually should all respect the view of the electorate and do their damnedest to make that view work. Why should we the voters pay for another election because of the preciousness of those in whom we entrusted the affairs of the state? In this context, I endorse the sentiments on this issue that have been expressed from time to time by Wayne Crawford and Richard Herr.

On the domestic front I am anticipating a bumper first season for my new erection. I refer of course to my new timber and wire netting cage that cocoons the expanded vegetable garden. Planting for the current season was delayed because the construction process was not completed until half way through spring. Even so, there is already a profusion of plants bursting forth from loam enriched by sheep poo and sundry other organic supplements including compost, blood and bone and straw. Next winter will see plantings of some more permanent items such as gooseberries and currents of various hues.

On the sporting front I look forward with immense enthusiasm to 10-10 cricket which is due to be launched at the end of the Commonwealth Games. Teams of ten, ten-ball overs, sixes become tens, ten overs each side and every player in a team must bowl one over in each 10-over innings. Players will be dressed in jock-straps, thongs and top hats — red jock-straps for the home side and green for the visitors; black top hats for all players as a mark of respect for the traditions of the game; and thongs to avoid sweaty feet and the accompanying problem of offensive smells in packed stadia. This exciting new development will enable a full test series to be completed before lunch.

As for football I expect Hawthorn to progressively improve its position on the ladder and to play in the final series in 2008. Indeed, they are a serious chance to do so in 2007. I also endorse the imminent national campaign to ignore Eddie Maguire — don’t listen to him, watch him, communicate with him or otherwise have truck with him or even get in a ute with him.

I expect international affairs in the coming year to be world wide — right across the planet. It is further expected that, during the next twelve months, the United Nations headquarters will be relocated to Ouagadougou in Burkina Fasso (previously Upper Volta) with the specialised agencies of the UN — FAO, WHO, UNESCO, and the rest — being relocated to Fort Lamy in neighbouring Chad. The purpose of this radical change is to remind the French of what an awful cock-up they made of their colonial stewardship and to impress upon UN employees and delegates that attention to Africa does not mean rogering mistresses in New York, Paris, Geneva or Rome, smoking cigars in sidewalk cafes, guzzling duty-free booze and working a two hour day for an annual salary, plus allowances, that would buy Nigeria.

Finally, if we are to avoid this planet being exploded out of the solar system, it will be necessary for the US Congress to pass legislation expunging George W. Bush from everything but his seat in the kindergarten at Crawford, Texas, USA. The associated initiative should be in the form of a telegram reading as follows: “Come back Bill; all is forgiven. Bring her with you. Whoever she is.”