Abortion: My Real Story

My role is Director for Tasmania and “New” Site Coordinator for Rachel’s Vineyard retreats within Australia and nearby countries.

I hope this article will raise awareness about how abortion affects women and men. I believe that it is important for me to share with you a few facts about the aftermath of abortion.

Abortion is not a victimless procedure without a downside.

Abortion is like a fever – it is usually a symptom of what has gone on or what is going on in a person’s life.

I know, both from personal experience and the experience of thousands of others, that the heart-wrenching, life-changing reality has many downsides.

Abortion creates an obvious victim by terminating the new life that began at conception. It also creates parental and family victims which we can’t ignore. One in every four people has been affected by abortion in some way.

Choice is important. It will always be there for each of us. However, the choice to have an abortion is never made from a place of freedom. (I feel very strongly about that)

There are so many reasons women are pressured into the choice to abort their baby. It may be peer pressure. It may be the boyfriend or husband threatening to leave (more times than not he will anyhow). It may be pressure from her job, parents, finances or medical issues.

Coercion takes many forms –
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• “They said I made the right decision, but I was never given a choice.”
• “The nurse said this was not the time for questions.”
• “My husband exploded in anger … ‘Have an abortion or I’ll leave you.’
• “The doctor leaned across his desk and snapped, ‘It’s not a baby!’ ”
• “My parents locked me in the house and made the appointment.”
• “No one told me there were places I could go for help.”
• “The counsellor drew a micro-dot … I feel so betrayed.”
• “It doesn’t look like you have much choice.”
• “He destroyed our home … he was killing me with his words.”
• “My boss threatened to push me down the stairs if I didn’t abort.”
• “They would just look down their noses at me for being pregnant.”
• The abortionist strapped me down and said, “Shut up and quit your yelling”.’ ”
• “All the people that mattered told me to abort. No one would help me.”
• “Everything in me was yelling, ‘No! No! No!’”

To freely choose you must be fully informed. In the real world most women are coerced into making this choice without a full appreciation of what is in store.

In fact, most women who choose abortion don’t realise what the procedure entails and what is ahead. Choosing abortion isn’t the end of the pregnancy. The termination will haunt them for years if they don’t get help.

Women can bury the trauma so deep that they think they have forgotten and then it resurfaces when something as simple as watching a program on TV triggers the memory. Many simply don’t know what to do about the emotions that are racing through their body and their head. Then they start acting out in self-destructive ways, broken relationships, obsessions, parenting difficulties and so many other emotional or behavioural problems. Research shows approximately 10% of women who have had an abortion suffer the ill effects.

I can speak from experience because I had an abortion when I was 16 years of age through no choice of my own. I kept my silence for 29 years before seeking help. Even with the help of a qualified psychologist it took me years to work through the anguish that experience caused me. I can still identify with some of the things I do and the connection it has to my abortion even though I have come out of this on the other side. That took a lot of hard work, tears, frustration and anger.

For the past eight years I have worked with other victims of abortion – the women, men, families and in some cases the medical providers that have performed abortions to help them deal with their grief through the Rachel’s Vineyard Ministry.

As well as working with victims across Tasmania as part of the worldwide Rachel’s Vineyard program, I have led the establishment of new sites in Brisbane, Perth and Darwin, as well as in Wellington NZ, Singapore and in Penang, Malaysia.

The trauma is universal. It crosses continents and cultures. I constantly hear and see the pain and torment that abortion has caused. Some experiences I have heard have been horrendous, and some of these women have lived with the consequences for up to 50years. I sometimes think I have heard all the stories that is humanly possible, but I haven’t.

I have heard women sharing stories of being the product of failed abortions. In other words they were the babies being aborted and left to die in most cases. This is becoming a more common story that I am hearing, and this is what could very well happen with late term abortions.

Many women and men who suffer from an abortion decision remain locked in their own internal prison afraid of anyone knowing their deep secret. They come away from their abortion with guilt, anger, regret and total bewilderment. They walk away so detached to the rest of the world around them feeling so numb.

Stating statistics might be helpful to work out how many abortions take place each year; however this doesn’t always touch on the mental and physical health of the women who have gone through this experience.

After abortion many women face daily, an internal battle of condemnation and defending themselves. This is because abortion strikes a woman at the core of her being, her spirit is broken! As I have already touched on briefly, this continues on to PAS, Post Abortion Syndrome.

This takes the shape of, repeat pregnancies, repeat abortions, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, depression, promiscuity, substance abuse, broken relationships (not just with men but with parents, friends and people in general), sleeping disorders, infertility, not being able to stay in one job for very long, and it just continues.

It has been said recently that the first barrier for Tasmanian women is time. I agree that time is important. We simply can’t allow ourselves to make a rushed decision by allowing ourselves to be paralysed by the thought of running out of time.

Women need to take the time to become better informed before making this huge choice that will change their life forever.

We can’t take abortion so lightly; we are destroying life in the present and for the future. As it has been said quite a few times in the past few weeks we are creating a culture of death not of life. If we continue down this path with approximately 80,000 abortions annually: this figure is equivalent to losing a primary school daily. If this continues we will have another very serious problem on our hands and that would be the extinction of the human race.

Just to share a bit about the work Rachel’s Vineyard does – this is a healing ministry to all those effected by abortion, such as the mother, father, grandparents and siblings, friends and the medical practioners who have conducted the abortions. The retreat runs for a weekend starting on a Friday evening and finishes on the Sunday with lunch. The retreat is Catholic based however we do not stop anyone from attending. It is a safe place to share your story; we have a magnificent team that is very compassionate and understanding and totally understand the importance of confidentiality.

If you or someone you know needs help in this way please give me a call on the confidential phone line 0362298739.

One very important lesson we have learned through these encounters is the truth of the words of feminist writer Frederica Mathewes-Green when she presented this compelling word picture: “No woman wants an abortion as she wants an ice cream cone or a Porsche. She wants an abortion as an animal caught in a trap wants to gnaw off its own leg.”

We must never judge a woman who has made this “choice” without being fully aware of just how much “choice” she actually had and walking a mile or two in her shoes. Abortion is an act of despair, and despair is also the greatest obstacle in post-abortion recovery.

• FamilyVoice: Late abortion tragedies: Questions for Tasmania