Image for Tasmanians Unite!

*Pic: Ned Kelly was the son of a Tassie bloke, Red Kelly who was detained for some time on the pre apple isle

Now Tasmanians perhaps it is time to consider the considerable number of your kin living in Victoria.  Is it time to rekindle the affections of these defectees to their traditional home.  Their mass escape followed the emancipation of convicts in the 1850s and clearly the Victorian gold rushes beckoned.

Let us make some hypothetical calculations of the missing folk.  So if we say the 70,000 former convicts made the crossing and produced conservatively five to ten children over the subsequent generations, surely at least half of Victoria is indeed Tasmanian?

Indeed the most favoured son of Victoria,  Ned Kelly was the son of a Tassie bloke, Red Kelly who was detained for some time on the pre apple isle.

Is the time right now for Tasmanians to assert their position in the Vic-Tas relationship?  Perhaps some reclamation of political ascendency over the newer wannabe Victorians?  Reclamations of some the wealth mined in Victoria by Tasmanians?

Perhaps a two fold strategy needs to be evolved ... a kindly attack on Victorian assumption of their cultural and sporting prowess.  Followed naturally by a more submersive crossing of borders and inflaming the injustices of the past and present with those of Tasmanian heritage.

Stage one should start with some robust pillorying of the National Gallery of Victoria, that oddly moated building which has become a focus of both rural and urban ducks and wealthy Toorak retirees. 

Whispered press releases citing voices from within the galley indicating the appalling casualization of labour, flattening of salaries and over time pay. This is a government galley, could all this be happening uncriticised by the Labor Government? 

The director and board appear only interested in art made in Europe and generally consisting of pretty, pink flowers or silky dresses!  Scorn must be piled on such nonsense..  And while the suburban wildernits arrive to see drivel, Tasmanians merely need to point the inspiration of art as displayed in MOMA.  Given ferment over time at the mediocrity of the NGV, a fateful suggestion should be offered, MOMA management to take over and bring people’s art to the decrepit NGV.

Another stake must be driven into that other prop of Victorian sneering supremacy namely sport and demands must grow for a Tasmanian AFL team.  But we shall return to that concept following cross border intervention.

Meanwhile the Ramsay Centre should surely have found a home at the somewhat cash strapped Australian Catholic University in Melbourne.  As small but highly significant part of Western civilisation must surely be the Tasmanian part in the culturalization of Victoria.  With out the Tasmanians in the gold fields, there would have been no creation of the richest city in world in the 1880s namely Melbourne.  Power and persuasion must be bought upon the Ramsay Centre to shine a light upon the unmentioned fact of history!

As the cultural gab fest rides across the State of Victoria, a stealthy invasion should commence too.  Small and leaking boats should leave Launceston with the intention of reaching Warnambool.  Suggested arrival time should coincide with the Warnambool steeplechase event!  Confusion is expected in the forthcoming race meet as activists are apparently arriving in droves to brazenly change the names of the main streets to those of martyred horses killed in this appalling event.  (Note: It is rumoured that the Victoria Racing fraternity is funding this rampage as they would like to kill off this event as it is calling into question the cruelty of non jumping races as well!)

Once the boats have landed a great march across the rich western district can commence, perhaps a little rape and pillage could be encouraged as this is a wealthy area and home to far too many conservatives. 

A halt is recommended at at the Geelong cross roads and many Tasmanian of 1850s probably entered this port in their quest for gold.  And the good workers of Geelong have had a pretty tough time in the last few years with capitalist closures, local government lock down and indeed poor football results.  So they may care to join to march to Ballarat, Bendigo and Beechworth. 

Armed with the records of their Tasmanian ancestors and of course some posters of Ned Kelly, son of Tasmania, Victorians will join the march from the old gold mining towns and descend upon Melbourne for a day of reckoning.

The march to the Victorian Parliament in Spring street is best accessed via Sydney Road where a solid Middle Eastern or Turkish breakfast can be purchased.  Waving of Tasmanian flags may well mysterify the merchant banker, Green voting citizens of the inner city.  While not always politically apt, they should at least remember Bob Brown and Christine Milne, so it may well be worth some local conversations here.

Finally into the city at on to the steps of the State Parliament.  Having alerted the Premier Daniel Andrews, hopefully he and the Opposition leader will be waiting to dutifully to hand over the keys of the Vic coffers or at least offer some unity forth with, preferably in the form of subservience to the older State.

But of course one more mission.  A group must march manfully to AFL headquarters and demand a Tasmanian team in the big game.  Immediately entry for top level men and women teams.  Rowdy shouting may be necessary, perhaps pelting with apples or a threat of joining rugby league!!

Such a grand expedition… reuniting Tasmanians, uniting Victoria and Tasmania and enlightening half of Victoria of its true heritage.

*Josephine Zananiri lives in the Independent electorate of Indi in Germantown Vic and currently works in the manual labour arena tending native and exotic trees,  so has plenty of time to think.  Followed everywhere by her two dogs Percy and Fino who generally agree on all subjects, only occasionally deserting the conversation in the chase for samba deer!  Slight differences in logic can therefore be attributed to the two woofers leaving their critical post!