Image for Tony Abbott’s New Year’s Dishonour List

EXCLUSIVE! Tony Abbott’s New Year’s Dishonours List found behind sofa cushion in Monkey Pod Room. By contributing sleuth-at-large, Shylock Moriarty Agapanthus Poirot Holmes.

TONY ABBOTT’S 2016 NEW YEAR’S HONOURS LIST has been found under a stained cushion on a sofa in the notorious Monkey Pod Room.

The MP Room uneasily squats between the offices of Senator Peter Dutton, the Minister for Immigration Without Borders and Christopher Pyne, Minister for Spinnovation and High-Pitched Voices.

Hand written in delible matte lipstick on a discarded copy of a same sex marriage bill, the list appears compiled in the “pesher technique’’ made infamous by the fascinating Australian theologian and academic scholar, Barbara Thiering, author of Jesus the Man: New Interpretations from the Dead Sea Scrolls. Sadly, Dr Thiering died last month.

The list appears to be written in Tony Abbott’s handwriting although the shade of lipstick used (Kardashian Krimson*) is certainly unsuitable for his colouring.

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