*Pic: Flickr, David Blackwell: ‘Walking home one evening in 2074 Paul wondered about the scientific breakthrough reversing the effects of climate change and its impact on his beach condo investment’ …
A Tasmanian Department of Home Security spokesperson today announced the fifty-third turnback this month of a climate refugee boat from the Australian mainland. Previous refugees have been housed on the Bass Strait islands for health and security checks but owing to over-crowding the Tasmanian Government’s policy since July 2020 has been to turn back boats when it is safe to do so. All non-residents need a valid visa in order to disembark.
Since its secession from the Australian Commonwealth in 2017, Tasmania has undergone unprecedented immigration from the mainland for those wanting to escape climate catastrophe as well as the newly self-appointed Prime Minister-for-life J Edgar Tuber (aka Dutton). Tuber’s recent decree that in order to assist the economy every household will remove their solar panels and buy 1 ton of coal has caused major civil disturbances. Members of the public who have refused to buy any coal have to wear a badge picturing a lump of the precious mineral with an overlaid cross. Failure to wear the badge results in indefinite internment in Queensland’s Noosa Gulag while being forced to listen to Tuber’s speeches.
Refugees have also been encouraged by the Tasmanian decriminalisation of all previously illegal drugs. This has led to a massive decrease in drug use with the criminal element having been discouraged by low prices. With criminal activity at an historic low, hundreds of police officers have been reassigned as care workers for the elderly.
Marriage equality has taken a new turn with parliamentarians Erica Beds and Toe Knee A Butt taking their honeymoon at MONA where they hope to frolic amongst the displays before giving a lecture on social togetherness and harmony. The 2018 Marriage Equality Act (TAS) was passed with few dissenters after Wikileaks published a trove of emails from members of parliament booking same sex escorts after late night sittings.
As Tasmania undergoes an unprecedented economic and societal revival, Forestry Tasmania yesterday gave evidence regarding a landowner for cutting down a eucalypt in their front garden without a permit. Before a sentence of three years imprisonment was passed, an FT spokesperson commented “We will not tolerate the wanton destruction of our precious and bio-diverse flora, and we will pursue all offenders”. FT has recently declared that all forests under their control will become nurseries for depleted native species. Existing regrowth will be selectively logged using axes, handsaws and oxen to promote a sustainable forestry policy for the first time in the modern era.
Tourism remains a thriving industry with the Hobart Zoo a main attraction. There, visitors can view the last few examples of homo Conservativus - a strange animal that at regular intervals gives handouts to the most privileged while taking as much as possible away from those who have little. This inbred species has tried many times to escape into the community but has always been returned to live behind the bars where they seem most comfortable.
With Tasmania becoming a major Asian economy through a massive increase in green employment and sustainable industries, its future looks brighter than ever.
*Mike Buky taught carpentry and navigation in Tonga and has seen enough dead coral to be frightened. He arrived in Australia on board sailing yacht Kadoona in 1998 after a ten year passage from the UK. After graduating at the University of the Surfing Sunshine Coast, in International Politics, and after a second operation he emigrated to Tasmania with his first mate, Trisha, to the aroboreally-challenged NW of Tasmania where they grow vegies and try not to be run over by logging trucks.